Gals and dolls, I am coming to you from my couch at 2:14 am Monday morning after a particularly trying Sunday. All day long I attempted to do things with 2 hands that acted and felt almost fingerless. Like 2 fists without fingers. Making even the most menial tasks like going to the bathroom, a real trick (or treat). I think that is just the way my 64-year-old fingers are going to be from now on out. Uncooperative. Transforming daily tasks into a bit more of a challenge. Housecleaning, laundry, cooking. And for this moment in the wee hours of the morning, I am thinking I don’t want to be the ‘girl’.
It’s not that I want gender reassignment surgery. Or to start dressing like a lumberjack. I just wouldn’t mind having a lightning strike affect me very, very temporarily. For like 1 day. Maybe even just 12 hours. The waking hours. Maybe a Freaky Friday, again just from 7 am to 7 pm, where I am a ‘boy’ for just that length of time. ‘Boy’ as in 64-year-old male version of myself without any anatomical rearranging. Maybe a godmother could fly down and cast a spell to give me a short reprieve?
Reprieve From What?
A reprieve from being a ‘girl.’ A ‘girl’ who needs a very temporary reprieve from:
- being the one who cleans the poop stains from the sides and rim of our 3 toilet bowls (so thankful, however, to have 3 toilet bowls to clean and the indoor plumbing that goes with them)
- using the long-handled pumice stone to fruitlessly attack the lime, calcium and other hard water stains from the floor of our shower (and yet so glad to have hot and cold water delivered to said shower at the touch of the faucet)
- fishing my own gunked up gray hair from the clogged drain in my lavatory by using anything long enough with which to pull it out including my eyebrow tweezers and manicure scissors (wish that hair would just stay on my head for pity’s sake)
- sticking my hands in cold soapy but sudsless dishwater before going up to bed to scrub the skillet I was too tired to wash at dinner (blessed to have 3 meals a day+ and modern conveniences on which to cook)
- shoveling the kitty litter twice daily to retrieve the by-products of the Fancy Feast white meat chicken primavera I scoop into the kitty bowls at mealtime morning and evening (thankful for healthy kitties and our Saturday morning family time in bed)
- washing, drying, folding, ironing all the clothes – in that order – on Mondays and Tuesdays of almost every week of the year (I do realize that my BFF Sharon, 2 of you and I are the only ones left on planet Earth who iron but I so appreciate the look of a wrinkle-free shirt on handsome PC)
Then There’s…
- having to think of what we are going to eat for dinner 4 or 5 nights a week, and what to pack for PC’s lunch, and quickly whip up for him for breakfast (before he dashes out the door to a job from which he would really like a reprieve…but probably not to the extent of being ‘the girl’ who…)
- finding new recipes, making grocery lists, shopping for food or making what feels like endless orders for Walmart pick up and putting it all away then still struggling to think of something to cook (so grateful, though, that I don’t have to hunt and gather, or even fish for each meal, although time beside a quietly moving stream might be welcome now and then)
- endless organizing – my scrapbook paper all day Sunday by pattern or theme, bottles of spices in ABC order, the cans in the pantry by type -soup, vegetable, tomato-based (chopped tomatoes, sauce, paste, Rotel), our junk drawers, the clothes in our closet by color order, vitamins and supplements into little plastic pill boxes – all possibly somewhat self-necessitated and inflicted activities (sincerely glad, though, to have ready-made clothes to wear and food to alphabetize)
- the dishwasher that is eternally full of clean dishes that need to be put away (with the exception of that skillet above with the stuck-on food from dinner)
And Finally…
- having to get up 2-3 times in the night (and at the theater mid-movie) to go to the bathroom as my ‘plumbing’ no longer works right to hold everything in and keep everything dry until I can get to the bathroom and get un – belted, buckled, snapped and buttoned using 2 fingerless fists (so very, very thankful for my 2 precious daughters whose pregnancies may have caused my internal parts to have shifted or stretched causing this leakage in later life – can you say TMI??)
- worrying about whether to drink that glass of water ‘this’ close to bedtime for fear of floating in the middle of the night
- suffering with moods that swing wider than the pendulum on Big Ben (even though I take my crazy meds for OCD and depression every single day of this world, and am long post-menopausal with nothing really to blame them on other than being a ‘girl’)
I’m tired tonight. Make that this morning. Now 3:07 am. I just need a few hours of not being the ‘girl.’ And then I will be fine again.
Final Thoughts
Let me go on the record saying PC is a wonderful, wonderful husband and this post is in no way a reflection of the things he makes or expects me to do. Or a reflection of the things he refuses to do. I think he has done and would do about any of the above. Okay, maybe not organize the scrapbooking paper by print or alphabetize the spices. But he would do anything else. And has. He ‘cooks’ more than once a week every week = Taco Bell, McD’s, panda food (Panda Express). And can probably out-clean me in every room. Well, he doesn’t dust but will do everything else.
I have a wonderful life partner.
It’s just that tonight (this morning?) I am tired. Our house is still semi-upside down after having the new flooring put in upstairs and a busy week last week that has me behind on my chores. It’s Monday. I want to whip everything into shape so I can scrapbook with my sister on Facetime later this week. Or maybe I wish that a fairy godmother would appear. And just for a day do all the cooking, cleaning, scrubbing, washing, drying, folding, ironing for me. Actually, I enjoy cleaning house or at least the fruits of my labor. But just not today.
Your Turn
Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night feeling frazzled?? Wishing you could have a break from being the ‘girl’?? Just for a day??
Mid-afternoon yesterday, I received a text from a dear friend letting me know that the husband of one of our mutual friends has been referred to hospice. This sweet man has battled stage 4 prostate cancer like a warrior. For 5 years. With his warrior wife at his side every step of the way. He is still fighting but his body is just so tired, so sick. I cannot imagine that degree of exhaustion. And worry. And fear. We are all praying for their peace and strength and comfort. I wish there were something else I could do. The hospice care my mom received in Kentucky from Bluegrass Care Navigators was such a blessing. Everyone deserves that assistance.
So, God (and Paul and all of you reading this tirade), please know how grateful I am to have the wonderful life I have. To be healthy. To have a home and family and opportunities. Clothes to wash, food to fix, a house to clean. Please, God, give George and Vita some rest, some peace. Hope you will join me in praying for my friends and for all of those living with a cancer diagnosis.
Back to bed. Thank you for listening. God, please hold the Garcias close.
Hugs and kisses,
I think one of the joys of blogging is that it gives you an outlet when you feel at your wit’s end. I banged out last week’s post about going through a tough time because I’d hit a wall and needed somewhere to process it – I think you’re doing much the same here (except you’re doing it in the middle of the night!)
There’s a quote “I want sympathy – not solutions” and I think that’s what I’m hearing here – you know all the good stuff in your life, but sometimes the annoying stuff feels like it’s tipping the balance a little – so you have my sympathy – and my permission (not that you need it) to take things a little bit easier for a few days until your mojo kicks back in. Sending you a hug to go with the sympathy. xx
I love you. Just what I needed to hear. I don’t need solutions. Just needed to grumble. Last week was busy, ending in 2 days of subbing on Thursday and Friday. The house has gone to the dogs. But the laundry is started, the bed is stripped, I have bleach scouring powder soaking on all the sinks. Hopefully, I can get everything done today and play tomorrow…in a nice clean house.
I am so sorry about your friend. I hope he receives wonderful care and is ushered gently into the next life. Also, there are days I wish I only had to get up and shower and get ready and go to work and do nothing else!
So glad I am not alone in my feelings. I have the laundry going, the bed stripped, breakfast and lunch packed for PC and he is out the door. Now to get up from this couch and get the house back together so I can play tomorrow. Thank you for understanding. And thank you for that sweet wish for our friend.
I do often wake up at night and get caught thinking of everything I need to do. I am sorry about your friend. We recently lost a neighbor to cancer very quickly – so fast I didn’t even know she was sick. It is scary.
Thank you, sweet friend. As a young, working mother, I had so much more to do. But fingers that worked right. And a more cooperative bladder. I was up 3 times going to the bathroom last night, and a half dozen before bed.
I am sorry about your neighbor. Cancer is my worst nightmare.
Haha, what fun! I never ever wanted to be a boy, not even for a hour!
I probably never really wanted to a be a boy but being a girl is so hard sometimes.
I’m so sorry your are suffering from your hands and other things. Sending hugs and hope that you can find easier ways to do the things that have to be done or reduce the workload or better medical solutions.
Thank you, my friend. I think I am having circulation issues in my hands and feet. Nothing serious but I was just whining. And whining when I have so little whine about. I love you, Juhli. You always warm my heart.
Oh man, I’m sure so many of us can relate. At 62 I really am beginning to notice hand weakness which makes so many tasks annoying. I use to wake up in the middle of the night, especially during perimenopause, and fret about things, feeling overwhelmed and taxed. Then I would try to make decisions which would keep me awake for hours and ruin the entire next day. Eventually and on the other side of menopause, I learned to quit making any decisions in those wee hours and the anxiety calmed greatly. I don’t even let myself think of much at all when I get up to pee. So many things fall on us, and often those “things” are unappreciated, or at least it’s not shown.
I wasn’t quite following along at first until you began listing all your bullet points and I did find myself nodding along… I have been vocalizing a lot of this to my family lately too. They are all great about pitching in WHEN I ASK but if I don’t ask all these jobs just sort of fall to me by default. There are just times I don’t want to do it all anymore (and I’m already struggling with “plumbing” issues after 3 births and 4 surgical procedures with my uterus).
Oh, the plumbing issues. They have been really bad this week. I have spent more time running to the bathroom than doing anything else. Wonder if Weight Watchers would consider that an ‘activity.’
Yes. All the jobs fall on us by default. PC will pick up dinner and might start the laundry. Would reluctantly run the vacuum if I were pitching a fit about the mess on the carpet. And I don’t work all day so I feel like it is my responsibility to do all of the things. But it sure gets tiresome.
XoX… There is something posted on the side of the mailbox… Pull one of the tabs and give them a call, bb…
Thank you. Maybe for spring break we can get Buff’s housecleaning folks to do a thorough clean.
Oh I hear you Leslie! I hear you loud and clear! I gave up a lot for my husband’s career and have all that invisible workload thrust on me. It can be so draining at times and hard not to play those mind games with yourself. It sounds like you need an afternoon for yourself or some way to schedule some me time!
Thank you, Laura, for letting me know I am not alone. Happy to report all 3 of my toilets are spic and span tonight and tomorrow I can play!!
Oh Leslie, I feel your pain. Growing older is certainly no picnic, physically or mentally.
There are a number of things I don’t “have to do” now that I’m single. I hate to cook, and now that it’s just me – I don’t. Of course my #1 son & DIL who live next door think they have to feed me. There are a lot of things I can’t physically do that I’ve always done. Very annoying.
I pray the sun shines brighter for you and you feel fit and wonderful.
Iris
Oh, it is so annoying to think I can still do something and then discover I can’t. Like opening things. Practically everything. Jars, those dumb pull off tabs on the gallon milk jugs. So frustrating. PC often laughs when I ask him to help me and says, “really?” like he can’t believe I can no longer open the pickle jar. I can’t believe it either.
Today was a better day. My toilets are all 3 clean. Got the rest of the house picked up and supper made in the crockpot. And sent up prayers for the Garcias, our friends. Thank you so much for your sweet words.
Luckily, I usually sleep through the night once I get to sleep. It’s the getting there that is difficult for me so I don’t really think about anything in the middle of my sleep. It’s all before I can get to sleep…wondering if the doors are locked, worrying about Jack’s itchy feet, trying to figure out how I’m going to do this or that on time. I applaud you for the way you took the negatives and made them into positives. I usually get stuck on the negatives.
Those leaky bits…how in the world does that just happen one day. I mean, one day, no problems…the next day, it’s a run to the loo and then changing the undergarments! I’m sorta glad to know I’m not the only one!
I always said if I ever came back, I wanted my next name to be Dad! Hugs to you and prayers to the Garcias…
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
Thank you for this thoughtful comment. I have stage 2 Chronic Kidney Disease – which we discovered when I was about to undergo neck surgery for cervical fusion. My leakiness (love that) kind of comes and goes. But it is really plaguing me right now. Makes it hard to do anything. I picked up the granddaughters from daycare today and could hardly get them out of the car and into the house before my teeth were floating (to quote my mother).
I tell PC I that I want to be a boy for a day. He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind (probably accurate) but Eve really did a number on all women for time and eternity, didn’t see?? Hormones, leakiness, housework, cooking, childbirth. Yikes.
I do feel your exasperation with all the ‘laundry list’ of things to be done. I am approaching my 63rd birthday and do indeed feel every one of those years some days! But, as you say, there are also so many blessings to be grateful for. I do feel for your gravely ill friend and the torment that his disease entails. Many best wishes from Australia.
After I write the post complaining about all that I feel pressured to do, I felt so guilty. Almost got up and deleted the post. But when I turned on the computer there were a number of comments on the post already. Gals echoing my feelings. And I felt validated. Or heard. And definitely not alone. Thank you for adding your thoughts to my post.
Seems like we have reached an age where we are all experiencing the same issues, but it’s good for you to raise them in your blog to make us realise that we are not alone, and for us to reassure you that you are not alone! How much we took for granted putting our head on the pillow and not waking until morning!
It’s strange how in these days of equality, there are still ‘pink’ jobs and ‘blue’ jobs – and why do all the messy, boring chores fall into the ‘pink’ category? Since retiring we have shuffled some of those chores and I guess they have become ‘purple’ jobs that are shared!
Take care x
Hi and what a sweet post and I do so get what you’re saying. The being awake in the wee small hours….Things are always darker. And I know you absolutely don’t want solutions but girl you’re doing farrrr too much. And you are being so hard on yourself – instead I want you to treat yourself because, why, because you deserve it. And don’t do the dishes, or dust for a bit.
I bless my mother-in-law every day (although I never met her as she had died before I met my husband) as she taught her son to iron his shirts. And I never ever iron anything including shirts! I am such slut but hey, that’s OK!!!!
I know things would be hard for you to change but for future generations the best things we can do is not have these fixed gendered roles. Boys should do the housework and girls do the hammering and painting – whatever. My boy had to do chores for his pocket money and he said he was the only one in his shared house who knew how to clean the bathroom! He continues to do housework and cook and wash up equally with his partner. My daughter does all the DIY in her house and is a master of the drill – she fixes everything and Dan her partner cooks. The younger generations know how to do things.
Putting my nurses hat on here. If the hand thing continues do get it checked out – promise? That’s all part of caring for YOU.
What a dear comment. I was a single mom or mum for quite awhile and learned to climb on the roof to repair our AC (the unit was on the second story roof of the house). Did the hammering, the yard work, and then all the ‘pink’ chores as one of my friends calls them…those formally assigned to women. Now that I am married again, I do all of the housework. I relish having a clean house but these days I wish I could wave a magic wand to get it that way.
You did a marvelous job teaching your children to do whatever it takes to keep a household running. One of my daughters is in a more traditional marriage with more defined chores for each partner. The other daughter has a husband who cooks as much or more than she does and helps a great deal with the children and the housekeeping. It sure makes her life easier.
Thank you for suggesting I have my hands checked. I think it has something to do with my circulation. If I continue to have trouble, I will look into it. Thank you for caring!!
Oh, Leslie… I have never wanted to be a boy for a day, but I have wondered what it would be like to live as a man in this world. And, I agree, not that my husband doesn’t do a lot, but… I do feel women just carry a lot more… a lot of invisible, unappreciated or should I say unnoticed work? And, it is just never ending and repeating. I usually do ok with it all, but I do struggle sometimes… Both my kiddos were sick (one with Covid, one without) and I was caring for them for 2 weeks and WHEW it was a lot on top of everything else. So, now I am just thankful to have just my normal stuff as they’re both back in school today! Ha, ha! And, yes! We should always be thankful for health. I have a h.s. couple/sweethearts and the husband is MY age and has bone cancer in his back that is still growing even while he’s getting chemo! Scary stuff out there. 🙁 Take care, friend!! And, yes, PC is great! My hubby loves to ‘cook’ too! Ha, ha!
Carrie
curlycraftymom.com
Writing a blog post at 2 in the morning, after a very long day, and you don’t feel well…..I will admit, you are a trooper. Not sure I would be that brave! But you found good perspective and even much to be thankful for even amid all the frazzled thoughts! Prayers that you are having a better day…and that the weekend ahead will allow you to rest and unfrazzle a bit. Hugs to you my friend!
Leslie,
I am sorry that you’ve been having trouble with your bits and pieces. Many of your followers can relate to your current situation.
Sharing your difficulties and observations about your life makes you so authentic with your readers.
Most of our husbands have failings, but we still love them for better and worse.
Here’s the title of a book I never finished, but I think it’s true for many women, “Men are living proof that women have a sense of humor.”
Praying for the Garcias.
Hugs,
Robin
https://helloim50ish.com/
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I hope that he is able to remain comfortable for as long as he can.
Also, yes. I feel you on the post. All the meal planning. cooking, shopping, doctor appointment scheduling can be so much. Like you said, I know I am blessed to be able to afford food to feed my family, but it can get draining.
Isn’t being the ‘girl’ – the wife, mother, daughter-in-law exhausting? Fulltime job each. And then throw in work!! Thank you for understanding and for your kind words for our friend, George.
I am so sorry about your friend. I hope he receives wonderful care and is ushered gently into the next life. it’s good for you to raise them in your blog to make us realise that we are not alone, and for us to reassure you that you are not alone! Take Care
What a beautiful thing to say. Thank you for this kind comment.
I’m so sorry you had the “blahs” and I hope they have passed. Life, and all its little details, can feel so overwhelming sometimes. (Which is why I’m commenting from bed at 6pm on a Wednesday night!) I totally hear that you can be both grateful and frustrated/annoyed. And writing it out can help sometimes. Much love and hugs to you, friend.
Thank you for this sweet message of support. Writing is therapeutic and after I wrote this whining blog post, I felt better!! Hope you are having a kinder week this week.
Totally get this…and then I have to confess that I’m not looking to trade “jobs” either. Sometimes the pleasure of the day gets lost amid the frustrations.
I have a (rather crude) saying that just because someone else is knee-deep in, erm, dodo; it doesn’t invalidate that I am knee deep in mud.
Yep…definitely get that kind of day!
You are so wise. I am not really interested in trading ‘jobs’ either. Especially since I am finally becoming much more comfortable with retirement (only took 9 years to reach this point). Just going to ask for a thorough house cleaning by a professional service for my birthday, Mother’s Day and our anniversary combined.