Dear friends,
In the years since I’ve retired, there have been a number of days when I have struggled to feel happy. Without my career, I pondered my sense of purpose. Questioned what I was supposed to be doing all day everyday. Not that I didn’t have lots of things to do. But I have lost my routine. Every day of retirement feels kind of haphazard despite my efforts to establish a schedule. As a result I flounder around from one activity to the next, feeling kind of lost and lonely many days.
Early last month the title of an article on the cover of July’s “O: the Oprah Magazine” caught my eye in the checkout lane. “What would make you happy?” written by “O” staffer Molly Simms. The magazine wound up in my cart and found its way home with me. Then laid on my craft table for a month. Wonder how many other women shoppers were enticed to buy the magazine by the title of that same piece?
I didn’t read the article until today because I was ‘saving’ it for this Glossies Made Me Do It post. Linking up, a little late, with Lauren at Shooting Stars Mag for this series.
Which now, in retrospect, feels a little like I put off finding out what makes me happy and how to become happier. Wonder how many others put off reading the article or never actually read it at all. Which speaks to one of the key points of Simms’ article; more about that later.
Of 86 total “O” magazine staffers, only 32 volunteered to participate in a month-long course, created by Yale psychology professor Laurie Santos, that promised to make participants happier people. Less than half the magazine’s staff. (Was that because the other 54 folks were already ecstatic with their lives?) The author of the article was puzzled by this, too, but she embraced the program and jumped into it with both feet.
Finding Happiness: The “O” Happiness Project
I read the article anxious to learn some new things I could try to improve my overall happiness. The course was divided into assignments and areas of focus over four weeks. Although until now I hadn’t heard of this proposed “O” road to happiness, I have been doing many of the activities on my own for some time. *See the comments followed by an asterisk for those things I’ve been doing.
Gratitude
The first weeks involved taking these happiness assessments to determine the staffers’ current levels of happiness. Then they were asked to make lists of things their were thankful for, to savor special moments as they experienced them throughout the month. To be more in the moment. *Took a survey I found online as I began writing this post. I regularly list things for which I am thankful in my gratitude journal, thank you, Carrie. Leaving my phone out of sight with notifications off, and volume down when I am away from home. And often forgetting to turn them back on when I am home.
Kindness
In addition, they were asked to practice random acts of kindness, keeping track of those efforts with daily tally marks. And to increase social connections by interacting with strangers and distant relatives. Which has been found to extend life-span and fight disease. *I have included doing random acts of kindness in my seasonal bucket list activities. Forgot to put them on summer’s list, though, which you can see here. I do try to be friendly and approachable to strangers, especially little ones. As in kids, not referring to the stature of the strangers. Doing so does make me feel warm and fuzzy. Need to do more of it.
Exercise and Sleep
During week 3, the staffers were encouraged to build an exercise regimen into their daily routine and to increase the amount of sleep they were getting each night. At this point, Simms’ reports that a number of participants began hemming and hawing with excuses for skipping this part of the course. Even though they all acknowledged the benefits of both. *As you know from my Wellness Wednesday posts, we have increased the amount we exercise since early spring. I have struggled with sleeping well but began using this Melatonin, 2 gummies before bed, and I am sleeping better. My dreams are crazier, though.
Meditation
In the final week of the happiness course, those still participating were doing so begrudgingly. They were asked to meditate for 10 minutes a day. Something that almost everyone found undoable. Ten minutes!! One editor who began the program dropped out early on saying she was “almost too unhappy to try to be happy”. How sad is that? But I can relate. I bought this magazine in particular for the article about happiness but failed to open the magazine and read the article for over a month. *The Miracle Morning routine I was doing early in the year has a meditation component built into it. I purchased a subscription to Calm.com but haven’t used it in several months. So I can’t say much about the staffers balking at meditating, can I? You can bet tomorrow morning, I will be picking it up again.
Thank You Letter
The culminating activity was writing a thank you letter to someone they had never had an opportunity to thank. And then to read that letter to it’s addressee, preferably in person. The author chose to write her former high school drama teacher and then to read the letter to her using Facetime. When Simms had finished reading her thank you and the teacher was in tears, they both experienced real happiness. *This is something I would like to do. Need to think on it a bit to decide to whom I will write. Reading my letter out loud would be scary, no matter who I thank.
The Happiness Project Outcome
Guess what? By the end of the course, 53% of participants had dropped out. Seeking happiness was too much work. Or perhaps the outlined activities weren’t working to make the staffers happier. Professor Santos explained that 50% of happiness (or conversely, unhappiness) is genetic. Some people come by being unhappy naturally. *I would argue that I probably come by depression or unhappiness naturally. Neither of my parents seemed like especially happy people.
Santos went on to explain that 10% of our mood is determined by what happens to us. *This is where I struggle. People who know me in real life would agree that I have some of the craziest things happen to me. And PC has said more than once, “If it weren’t for bad luck, you’d have no luck at all”. That about sums it up.
That leaves 40% unaccounted for. And that’s good news. Because 40% of our happiness is under our conscious control. That’s where these activities come in. And the happiness surveys. However, it seems our brains have a hard time determining what really does make us happy. We get caught up in thinking a beach vacation, a new car, a pair of designer shoes will make us happier. But that happiness is fleeting and not what matters in overall life satisfaction. *They, whoever they are, say money can’t buy happiness. I get that, kinda. But money sure can make life easier which can make living life happier. I am happier when I don’t have to worry how to buy my girls’ birthday presents or when I can afford to treat PC to a special surprise like a trip to Reds fantasy camp. Having money allows me to make the lives easier of people I know.
What is your feeling about that old adage?
Wellness Wednesday, 08.2018
This coming Wednesday it will be time for another wellness post. We will be talking about the progress we’ve made on our wellness goals, and sharing some healthy eating tips. I also plan to share a few activities I have just begun using toward finding happiness in this chapter of my life. Hope you will come back then.
Your Turn
Maybe in the meantime, you can check your happiness score by taking this survey. It will only take a minute and results are emailed to you. On Wednesday, I’ll share my score. The photo below is one of Oprah in her happy place. What does your happy place look like?
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Thank you for spending some time with me today. Hope this post gave you something to think about. Knowing you come by makes me happy! Would invite you to come back on Monday for TBB Asks, Tuesday for a Book by Book review, Wellness Wednesday, and Little Letters on Friday. If I can get all of that written this week!!
Make it a good week at your house.
Hugs and kisses,
Donna
Interesting post! I guess I lean more contentment than happiness. At seventy-one I have become more contemplative about life in general and specifically if mine has had meaning. Sad to say that out loud but knowing that I am in the December, well maybe November, of my life, these thoughts come unbidden. Thanksgiving is in November, right, and that should be my mantra. Personally I don’t think there is a formula to happiness. Well, probably, most definitely, self-care plays a huge role. I see how busy younger folks are and with the pressures of social media coming into play, that adds to discontentment. I mean, come on, who hasn’t drooled over Pinterest and Instagram pictures and wondered why our house/gardens/outfits don’t look that great? Comparison is the thief of joy.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Wow, are you wise or what? I just realized in responding (belatedly) to these comments that I am not seeking happiness but contentment. And you have already figured that out about yourself. My children and my husband gave/give life meaning but a lot of my identity was tied to the librarian that I was. I was Leslie the librarian. For years. Almost as long as I have been mommy. Now I am trying to figure out who just plain ole Leslie is.
Pinterest is a blessing and a curse. I like to see the pins where someone has attempted to replicate a beautiful cake or some kind of Pinterest art project with disastrous results…and they always add a blurb of text beneath their photo saying, “Nailed it!” In fact, my daughters have me watching this goofy baking show called that same thing. Where people who have never baked are asked to make fancy desserts and wedding cakes. Who in the world is really nailing things so well? You are so correct…comparison is the thief of joy and self-confidence, I might add.
ShootingStarsMag
I read this article! I think some of these activities wouldn’t really make me feel happier…or I wouldn’t be interested in them. But I like the idea in general! I think we could all use ways to make ourselves a bit happier. I know that I have anxiety/depression, so I like finding things that give me a boost!
-Lauren
Leslie Roberts Clingan
I kind of felt like the things suggested for improving happiness in the O magazine were kind of run-of-the-mill things I am doing anyway. Not sure how I thought a magazine article was going to improve my happiness but it was worth a go. And maybe it isn’t happiness but contentment I am struggling to find. It is interesting to me how many bloggers seem to struggle with depression/anxiety/shyness. Would love to conduct a survey of that!
pat
I read the article and found some aspects intriguing. I’ve struggled with meditation. Trying it again (another 21-day series from Oprah!) but will struggling with it.
However, I feel that I’ve learned to be much happier this past couple of years. For me, doing a (almost) daily emotional assessment helps. As does practicing gratitude, building in Jolts of Joy into my daily life, being more mindful (in the moment) and I’m more conscious of expressing appreciation.
Thanks for the link to the survey…. I did take it and am going to go look for my “score”!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
I read about your 21 day series with meditation. Have picked it up again this week. But my thought flit from concentrating on my breathing to what are we eating for dinner tonight to I should be ironing to boy, am I sleepy.
Interestingly, I started to take a happiness survey other than the one I linked to in my post, and when I signed up for an account with my email address, it said I already had an account. Lo and behold, I had taken that survey 12 years ago. Haven’t taken it again. But will and will compare my results in 2006 with those of the present. I think I have always been searching for something more. And finding this old survey result indicates to me that it wasn’t just since my retirement in 2013 that I became ‘lost’ and discontent. Would be interested to know what your score said on the survey you took and how accurate you felt it was.
Nancy Baten
I took me over two years to be happy again after I stopped working! This could have been helpfull then!😂😂😂 Thanks for sharing!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Oh, Nancy, thank you for sharing. Glad to know I am not alone. I loved my job…maybe not in the end, and not every minute over the 28 years but overall, I loved it.
Daenel T.
Interesting article. I think there’s a difference between happiness and joy. I look at happiness as temporary and dependent upon my mood and life events {whether I can control them or not}, but joy is something deep down inside and is determined by my faith. When I feel close to God, I feel joy and peace {no matter what may be going on}, and when I don’t feel as close to God, the joy tends to lessen.
Happiness is mental and emotional, whereas joy is spiritual. I don’t think the two are necessarily related though. You can have joy and peace and be sad/angry/hurt/depressed. Does that make sense?
Leslie Roberts Clingan
You can’t imagine how much I have thought of your comment since first reading it. Just haven’t gotten back here to tell you! I like your explanation and comparison between happiness and joy. I have been thinking about that. Happiness seems to me to be a general contentment, a feeling of all’s right with the world. But joy is more of an exuberance. Which is a word I don’t remember using before. I think of joy as being a burst of something beyond happiness. I have 2 photos of my granddaughters in my kitchen that, to me, reflect joy. Cady is joyful because UPS just delivered a bunch of brown-paper wrapped (tied up with string!) Christmas presents. Lucia is joyful in her photo over a balloon she is batting around. I think what I am seeking is contentment maybe more than happiness. I need to become more content with retirement. Oh, pooh!