Good Monday, today I am sharing my blog with pal Leanne for a guest post entitled I Didn’t Choose Retirement – Retirement Chose Me. Leanne writes from Australia about “midlife contentment and connection” on her blog Cresting the Hill. In this guest post, she describes her unexpected journey into early retirement and the adjustments she has made to ultimately find happiness in this chapter of life. Leanne has helped me begin to return my blog to its original purpose. And her wise words have encouraged me as I still struggle with figuring out this retirement gig. I am certain you will find her wisdom helpful and uplifting, too.
I DIDN’T CHOOSE RETIREMENT – RETIREMENT CHOSE ME
Firstly, I’d just like to say thank you to Leslie for having me as a guest on her lovely blog. There seems to be less and less guest posting these days, and I miss the interaction and getting to know new people. So, I’m very grateful for the opportunity to pop over here and be a part of Leslie’s theme on rediscovering life after retirement.
I DIDN’T CHOOSE TO RETIRE
It’s funny that I blog so much about early retirement because I didn’t choose to retire – in fact I had no plans at all in that direction. Back when I was 52, I changed my working direction; I’d been a dental therapist, a dental hygienist, and a dental receptionist. I felt like I needed a change, so I resigned and started looking around. I found a great job working for a medical specialist, and then I was head hunted by a surgeon’s Practice Manager. She offered me the Perfect Job – great hours, great pay, great office, great team…….
But we all know that if something seems too good to be true….. it often is too good to be true.
WHEN LIFE THROWS YOU A CURVE BALL
The Perfect Job started well, but rapidly disintegrated and spiralled down into the job from hell. I won’t go into details because, well…..bygones (to quote Richard Fish from Ally McBeal). It would be safe to say that within three years I went from loving my job to dreading going into the office. I felt traumatized, and taken advantage of, I was losing the ability to separate my work/home headspace, and it reached the point where I’d get teary just thinking about going to work.
I tried many different ways to handle the situation, but there was no solution. Each new approach improved things briefly, and then the cycle would begin again. I had no choice but to hand in my notice before I became a nervous wreck (I think I probably ended up with some PTSD from it all), so I had to walk away.
AN UNEXPECTED CHANGE OF DIRECTION
My first thought when I left was that I needed to find a new job. I couldn’t possibly stop working because I should be adding more money into our retirement fund. I applied for a couple of jobs, but my heart wasn’t in it – I went to one interview and afterwards came home and emailed them to withdraw my application – I just couldn’t face doing it all again. So, I decided to stop looking for a new job, I gave myself six months grace to breathe and to recover some of my old resilience.
Surprisingly, we didn’t struggle for money – we’re debt free and live fairly frugally, so things just kept going along normally. Despite that, I felt guilty for being at home and loving it -when I believed I should be out there looking for work. Then covid hit and life turned upside down, everyone stayed home, and nobody was working. It was the opportunity I needed to allow myself more time to heal, and more time to figure out the “What’s Next?” stage. I realized that I really didn’t want to go back to work, I didn’t want to compete for a position with people who desperately needed a job. I loved being home and wanted to stay there.
SO, RETIREMENT CHOSE ME
What began as taking a break, then unemployment, then lockdown, became a process of recovery and reassessment. My whole approach to life changed and I finally allowed myself to consider early retirement. I didn’t have the preparation time that others have when they give themselves a transition plan, I just plunged in and hoped for the best. I began to think about retirement as something I’d worked hard for and deserved, rather than something that I felt guilty about.
I didn’t plan to be retired at 57, but obviously life had taken an unexpected turn and I arrived there much sooner than I’d expected. It took a while to stop justifying how I spend my time, and to stop basing my self-worth on what I do. I’m getting so much better at “being” rather than “doing” and I love that.
UNPLANNED BUT ULTIMATELY SO HAPPY
It’s been 2½ years since I left that horrible job behind, it took me a year to recover from the fallout, and another year to find my feet as a non-working person. I’d worked steadily and solidly for 40 years, and I had no plans for retirement – it wasn’t even on my radar, but I’ve gradually figured it out.
I discovered that I don’t want to be filling every waking moment with busy-ness, I don’t want to be proving myself to others by the bucket lists of things I’ve ticked off. I’m just happy, I’m content, I’m at peace. My days are varied, and I feel like I’m learning new things and becoming more creative as time goes by. I still blog each week, but even that’s taken a back seat as I spend more time in the real world. I volunteer one morning a week, I joined a ladies discussion group at our church, I’ve been invited to participate in an art group, I walk every morning, and go to a weekly exercise class and to tai chi. I’m teaching myself calligraphy and I’ve been trying my hand at some collaged pictures – so much fun!
I’M SO GRATEFUL EVERY DAY
These days I wake every single morning with a smile on my face. I don’t need to set an alarm to wake me anymore, I get up when I’m ready. Every day is filled with things I enjoy doing, and people I enjoy seeing. I had no idea when I was struggling to face going to work each day that my life could be so delightful. Looking back, I would never have had the courage to choose to retire – so I guess retirement had to choose me. And I’m so glad it did!
BIO
At 53 Leanne started blogging about authenticity, positivity, simplicity, gratitude, and finding her voice again in Midlife. Then life took a radical turn when, at 57, she resigned from a toxic workplace, and decided to leave the 9-5 behind and embrace early retirement. She advocates for an “Unbusy” retirement – one that is all about “being” rather than constantly “doing” – and finding joy in the flexibility and freedom of living life on her own terms.
LINKS:
Blog: Cresting the Hill
Facebook: Cresting the Hill
Your Turn
What are your feelings about retirement? Have you jumped into it with both feet and much enthusiasm? Or maybe you are looking forward to retirement in the near future? My ‘baby’ sister will be retiring in the next year or so. I look forward to her being home more so we can do more of the craft projects via Facetime we love to do. Selfish, I know. While I retired early without much planning (would you have expected anything else?), Valerie has been able to retire for several years. She has been working hard to get her professional and financial ducks in a row before she does. And that’s just one way we are different!!
Hope you will spend some time getting to know Leanne better at Cresting the Hill. I am certain your will find her posts authentic, warm and uplifting. Leanne, thank you so much for sharing your retirement experience here with us.
Make it a terrific week, girls!!
Hugs and kisses,
Iris
Oh my goodness – what a post. I too, have worked all my life. I can’t sit and do nothing and while I could manage without my part time job, it surely helps on the budget (yes, I’m debt free too, but with it just me and a very fixed income, it’s still a challenge). Don’t misunderstand – I’m OLD, and while I’ve seriously been considering it, I joke that I won’t live long enough to retire. I pray for wisdom.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Iris
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Sweet Iris, so glad you came by!! I am just like you and have trouble sitting and doing nothing. I have felt like I had to be cleaning all the time if I wasn’t raising children while working full time+. Happy to report I am kind of over that!! Have enjoyed naps recently, long walks, reading, crafting, cooking and my house isn’t completely filthy either!! Who knew!!
Maybe you could cut back a day on your part time job. Just one day. And see how it goes. I was hopeful about the money I would have made had I accepted some recent sub jobs. But we are doing okay without that extra money. I won’t save it anyway, will just wind up buying more stuff I don’t need. Come blog a little more and see if you don’t find you are really quite content working a little less. Make an autumn bucket list/fun list with me…mine goes live tomorrow. Maybe just 5 things you would do if you weren’t working!! Would love to have you join me!!
leannelc
Iris I have many friends who couldn’t imaging living an un-busy life like me. They’re quite driven and very focused on keeping busy. I think it’s different for all of us and if you love your job, then why would you stop? I didn’t get the choice – or rather I made the only choice I could at that point – and have no regrets, this stage of life is about doing it “our way” and loving every day we’re blessed with. x
Leslie Roberts Clingan
You are so wise, Leanne.
Gale Johnston
I retired at 55. I was an elementary school teacher. Here in Texas at the time, your age plus the number of years spent teaching had to add up to 80 in order to receive full retirement benefits. As soon as my numbers fit the formula, I was ready to say adios. People asked me why I was retiring so young. My answer was and still is “to live life”! I’m sorry Leanne had to go through that toxic work environment before she realized she was happy not working, but I’m so glad she is happy just being now. Enjoyed the post very much!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
I am so thankful to hear from you, my friend. I miss your mug!! You and I retired at the same age. I reached that magic ’80’ at 55 years old and 25 years of work. That last year was a disaster. Horrible administrator. HORRIBLE. But also my health was not good. Once I had retired and began to feel better, I was really lost. Leanne has really helped me to embrace retirement this summer. And I can honestly say I am happily living life these days.
leannelc
Gale – I think you made the perfect choice. Once I realized we weren’t going to be living under a bridge eating catfood if I stopped work, I began to realize that we were doing just fine and the thought of going back to work for someone again was completely off the table! xx
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Haha!! Living under a bridge and eating cat food. You make me giggle. Glad you weren’t reduced to that and glad I haven’t been either.
leannelc
Hi Leslie – thanks so much for having my on your blog – and allowing me to share my retirement journey. You’re so right about it being different for all of us – some busy and some un-busy. I wrote a post a while back about retirement not being a competition, and it’s something that I come back to all the time. Let’s cheer each other on as we discover what to do with this unexpected blessing of not having to do the 9-5 grind any longer. xxx
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you so much, Leanne, for being the little voice I hear (and listen to!!) lately about just allowing myself to enjoy this time of life. Not sure what happened that I finally ‘got it’ but I believe I finally have ‘gotten it.’ Don’t tell PC, but I am not looking for substitute jobs, or running around cleaning the house all day everyday any more. I am reading, creating, writing, walking, running, swimming, napping…that one is huge!! And I am happy. So much happier. Thank you, my darling friend, for the guidance!!
leannelc
It all sounds pretty darn perfect to me Leslie – I figure we don’t know how many years we have left – so let’s enjoy every moment we’ve been granted. xx
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Amen and hallelujah!!
Nancy
What a great guest post. Retirement choose me when I was 46 and it took me a few years to accept that. But now my life is so much better. Even with a serious disease. I’m happy for you Learned, that you found good things in life again!
Deb
What an absolutely lovely post! It’s so nice to ‘meet’ Leanne. It’s amazing how life pans out sometimes in the most unexpected way. I always said I would retire at 60 and had reduced my hours at work to just two and a half days so it was a gradual transition. I was happy when they gave my job to a young single mum who needed the school holiday perks of working in a school and, to be honest, needed to be working more than I did. Someone said to me ‘don’t ever feel that it is wrong to just sit and read your book in the afternoon, you don’t have to be doing something all the time’ and it’s great advice. I’m sorry to hear that it took a horrendous work experience to set the wheels in motion for Leanne but it sounds like the sequence of events have led to a very happy ever after ending.
leannelc
Hi Deb – I’d reduced my days down gradually too (it was one of my ways of trying to solve the stress of that horrible job) and that certainly made transitioning to not working easier. I think I was just so burnt out from it all that it took me a while to just relax into a new way of “being”. Now I see it as a godsend – I feel so blessed to be able to sit and read a book, or to chat with a friend over coffee without keeping an eye on the time. Life is very good – and yours sounds lovely too. Thanks so much for your kind words. x
Veronica Lee
I worked for only 8 years as a computer programmer and then I became a SAHM at 30. I’m now 59.
Like Leanne, I, too, realized that I was happy not working.
leannelc
Veronica I love that we can own who we are and enjoy the life we choose. I refuse to justify my choices anymore – those who love me are so happy for me and that’s all that matters. My DIL is a SAHM and I’m grateful for her choice every single day – our grandgirls are flourishing!
leannelc
Nothing beats living life on your own terms and not having to dance to someone else’s drumbeat. If you’re lucky enough to have a perfect job then that’s amazing, but if not – retirement and/or SAHMing are such lovely alternatives (I’m so grateful to be out of the 9-5 these days!)
rawsonjl
I’m almost afraid to chime in here… as I have hardly worked (outside the home) at all! I worked for a year or two early in our marriage then stayed home when we began having kids and then I worked another year or two when they all started school before we pulled them out and I began homeschooling. Now they’re just a few years away from them all being in college or out in the world making their own way and I’m not really sure I want to bother finding a job at all. My husband would like me to but I’m pretty content spending my days at home or out exploring nature and seeing friends. I feel like the word retirement will never apply to me. LOL.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
I am happy for you that you are able to be home and have been able to homeschool your sons. I am beginning to ‘dig’ this being home stuff, too. Just hope PC can live with it until he can also retire.
leannelc
How fantastic to have been able to spend all those years at home – I’m very envious!! My only comment would be – “beware the empty nest” and make sure you have lots to fill your days with as the children disappear off into the big wide world. So many women struggle with that aspect instead of the retirement struggle – the same but different 🙂
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Wise words. I didn’t struggle as much with the empty nest as there were several years in between the oldest moving out and the youngest moving out. And I was still working. Might have been harder if I had been at home.
Jennifer
I’m so glad you were able to get away from your toxic work situation and to see that you’ve “relaxed” into being retired and stopped feeling like you should be working.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you so much. I am finally settling happily into retirement. For me, it was quite a transition. Leanne has helped me so much.
leannelc
It was definitely a “process” Jennifer – but now I’m the happiest I can remember being for a VERY long time – so it was worth it to arrive in this lovely place in life 🙂
Leslie Roberts Clingan
So glad you are so happy, Leanne. Your happiness is contagious!!
Pradeep
Hi Leslie – I have known Leanne, via her blog, for a few years now. By hosting her on your blog, you have been able to bring her inspirational story to more readers.
Hi Leanne – Very glad to read your post here! No doubt, there is so much more to this world and our lives than the work space and everything associated with it.
You were 57 when retirement chose you. I am now 56 and eagerly looking forward to a truly retired life. I will be officially out of work at 60, but I am thinking if I should take that plunge much before. Unlike in your case, it’s not because of anything related to work.
For me, the only downside to my job is the late-night shift, which lasts till around 2 am. There is excitement in that, no doubt. And I have enjoyed it for decades. But now, with age catching up, the body isn’t as much excited about it as my mind.
I will listen to my body signals and take a decision when I feel that the work schedule is now proving to be a bit stressful.
Take care, Pradeep | https://bpradeepnair.blogspot.com
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you for stopping by my blog and sharing your experiences. Hope when you decide to retire, it will come as a blessing.
Jennifer
Such an encouraging post. I found myself “retired” before I thought I should be/would be…and still be in the phase of getting my feet under me. So that it feels right. But I do enjoy getting up every morning (especially without the alarm) and I enjoy that, for the most part, the whole day is mine. I just need to discover how best to use all that time!!? It shouldn’t be that complicated, should it??:) Thanks again for sharing your story!
leannelc
Hi Jennifer – I think I’ve gotten better at letting each day be what it will be. Some days are full, and others are quite leisurely – and that’s perfectly fine. Nothing beats a day at home with a good book or a jigsaw. But I know what you mean about finding a rhythm to your days once you take away the structure that a working life brings with it. You’ll find your sweet spot soon I’m sure.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
I think the unpredictability of my days now is what has been hardest on me. Who knows, maybe my days would have been as unpredictable even if I were still working. I like structure though and having my mom call at 7:30 am in tears and speaking incoherently just turns my day upside down. I am thankful that I don’t have to try to focus at work while being so upset. Did that for about 4 years before retiring. Now I just sit at home paralyzed after one of those calls.
Retirement Reflections
Hi, Leslie – Thank you for inviting Leanne to share her story here. It is a very inspiring one, with many important life lessons thrown in. I was fortunate to also be able to retire at age 57 — with choice. That was six years ago and I have never looked back.
Leanne and you are both so right. Everyone’s story is different, and not one retirement plan fits all. The good thing is that retirement usually allows for much experimentation. If there is something not quite right then we can address that and make the necessary changes.
Thanks again!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
You are so dear, Donna. I am so glad you retired happily and have never second guessed the decision. With a little help from my friends, I am finally about to that place.
leannelc
Hi Donna – I couldn’t agree more – often our journeys to retirement are different, our responses are different, and the way we figure out how to “do retirement” will be different…..and that’s okay because we finally have the freedom to do life exactly how we want to – and you can’t beat that!
Debbie
Hi Leanne and Leslie, lovely to see you girls sharing the blogosphere! This was a good summation of all you’ve been through Leanne, and yes it’s been awful for you but it’s good to know you’re happy and content now, which is all we ever want for ourselves isn’t it?
As you know, I was made redundant 5 years ago at the age of 56 after a 22+ year career within Education in a minimum security men’s prison and boy did it annoy me that my choice of when to retire was taken away from me. I made myself sick at the time, fighting the government’s decision for the final 6 months of my working life, I was worried, I was angry, I was sad and I was hurt above all else. After giving of myself for that long I was upset not be valued anymore. But now I’m happy, content, at peace with how things have turned out, and live a quiet life doing as little or as much as I please – it’s a lovely life! I must say I was lucky to be in a position financially to be able to do that. My husband retired the next year when he was ready to do so and I envied him at the time, as he’d made the decision of when to finish his teaching career.
Thanks for sharing, I always enjoy reading the stories of others and hearing how they’ve managed at times like these.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
It is upsetting and unfair when the decision about when to retire is denied us. Three months before I retired, retirement was the last thing on my mind. Just crazy. I was sad, angry, frustrated and physically unwell with my crumbling discs and vertebra that needed to be repaired. Once I began to feel better after my surgery (and retirement) I became more resentful. It was a very difficult time for me. To this day, if I see someone who looks like my former principal who was sooooo corrupt and immoral and made my life so miserable those last months of my career, I have a physical reaction.
I will be glad when PC retires and we can do things together but for now, I am finally settling into this chapter.
Debbie
Hopefully you don’t have to wait too long Leslie but in the meantime keep doing what makes you happy!
leannelc
Hi Deb – it’s so disheartening and insulting to feel like your choices have been taken away. I felt the same that this woman’s behaviour forced my hand much sooner than I would have liked. But, like you, I’ve come to terms with it and I’m happy with life now – so much happier than I would have been if I’d kept fighting for my right to stay in the job. The money and being “right” just aren’t worth the stress and upset. Give me a peaceful and stress-free life any day!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
You are such a much better person than I. The fight with my principal was killing me but I felt that I was in the right and didn’t want to let her ‘win’. I feel certain my neck surgery saved me from many more months of frustration and grief working under this woman. For that I am grateful.
Debbie
Thanks for your understanding Leanne and Leslie. Life is good now!
Christie Hawkes
Thanks for sharing Leanne’s story with us, Leslie. I have been following her journey for several years now and have found it quite inspirational…with lots of life lessons. I have the luxury of planning retirement and hope I can find my happy place and new sense of self as successfully as Leanne did. And boy do I look forward to throwing that alarm clock out the window!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Haha!! I haven’t been able to throw the alarm clock out because PC is still working. I think that has made my retirement journey a little different. We haven’t been able to travel or do the things other couples do upon retirement because he isn’t retired. But we are looking forward to that in a few years.
Leanne’s outlook has been such a breath of fresh air for me. I am embracing what she has said about busyness. Everyday now I enjoy a walk, or reading or a few minutes crafting. All things I would not have allowed myself time for a year ago. There was always something to clean, put up, fold, wash, iron. And there still is but at least I can allow myself to let it be for a bit while I take a few moments for myself.
I am pretty sure you will thrive in retirement. You seem very even keeled and level-headed and have been planning for retirement. I bet you will make the most of every moment. And I look forward to following along on your journey. XO
leannelc
I envy those who get to prepare for their retirement Christie, but maybe I would have overthought it to death and put it off longer than I needed to if the decision hadn’t been taken out of my hands. It was hard to let it all go and even harder to not want to bad-mouth the people who caused me all that pain (like Leslie I still feel a little bit ill when the woman’s name comes up). Still, I love my life now and I like that I had my blog to help me work my way through it all.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
I agree, Leanne. I don’t know that I would have realized when it was the proper time to retire had the decision not been taken out of my hands. I am certain you have been very well behaved and mannerly when it comes to not bad-mouthing the woman who caused you so much pain. I have not been nearly so Christ-like or gracious. I take some satisfaction in knowing that she was fired from 2 school districts BEFORE being hired by my district. And now she seems to have been let go from my district. But I can’t help but wonder where she is now and what school she is turning on end.
Jennifer
I struggled with similar issues when I resigned from
Work unexpectedly when my supervisor used explicit words at me. So I became a stay at home
Mom and have been blessed greatly. Thanks for sharing
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Everything happens for a reason. Good for you to have left a situation where your supervisor was so unprofessional. And it worked out well.
leannelc
It’s amazing how one person can cause so much upset isn’t it Jennifer – and I think walking away with your heaad held high is the best response – you can’t beat someone like that and it’s not worth the heartache.