[source]
“The time has come,” the Walrus said,
“To talk of many things:
Of shoes–and ships–and sealing-wax–
Of cabbages–and kings–
And why the sea is boiling hot–
And whether pigs have wings.”
(from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)
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Dear Ones,
I’m sure you have heard the expression that when one door closes in our lives, another door opens. That has been the case so often in my life. Today a door closed and I am curious to see the next door that opens. Today I turned out the lights and shut the door one last time at the Rosa Guerrero Elementary School Library where I have been a part-time librarian sub since October. To be perfectly honest, the door at Rosa Guerrero only opened after the door to the H.R. Moye Elementary library closed when I retired (most reluctantly) in December 2013. I have never written about why I retired, other than to say I had to have cervical spine surgery and I was first eligible to retire at Christmas that year. But my neck surgery was only a part of the reason I retired. It’s the other part that I don’t like to talk about, can’t really talk about without crying and I am not sure I am really ready to talk about it now. So, I am going to begin this post with my first days at Guerrero and see how things go. I may have to wait for another day to get into all of the other details of my retirement but let me say that the El Paso Independent School District has struggled for years under the questionable leadership? of now convicted and indicted criminals. In December, 2013 those criminals were just beginning to be identified and rounded up and the school where I worked was under ethically and morally-void administration.
It is now Thursday. I started this last night and just couldn’t seem to write what I was thinking and feeling. Not sure today will be better but I am feeling more optimistic, so let’s give ‘er a-go.
When I started working as a librarian sub at Guerrero, school had been underway for about a month. The librarian had experienced a tremendous and very sudden loss and retired without a moment’s notice. Totally understandable. She had suffered the death of a child (this one a young adult), her second child to die in a half-dozen years. For about two months, I shared the long-term sub job with a friend and colleague, each of us working two and a half days a week. Right before Christmas, Lori decided it was best if she gave up subbing to return to being a stay-at-home mommy. Because I am retired (and had subbed in a classroom within my first 12 months of retirement), I was unable to work full-time or I would have jumped on this opportunity. The Texas Retirement System states that one cannot return to full-time employment with another TRS entity after retirement unless remain unemployed for one calendar year. I subbed one day in October before my calendar year was completed. So I was ineligible to work full-time. I continued working my two and a half days.
The librarian at Guerrero had been there since shortly after the school opened in 1992-1993. It had become her home away from home, and as is the case with most of us in our jobs, Mary had become comfortable and well settled into her library. When she walked out, she did just that. And after about 23 years, she had collected quite a number of items and had a system in place that worked for her. But the library needed a little TLC and housekeeping. Lori had worked hard getting boxes of books opened and organized, opening the library for classes to visit but there was much yet to be done. Here is a picture I took in October a day or two after I started.
In the foreground, sitting on the circulation desk, I had piled several hundred posters of all shapes and sizes that had been stored in a cabinet in the back office. If you look carefully at the shelves, they are literally packed with books. So much so it was impossible to shelve books that were returned. In almost every section of the nonfiction collection the shelves were so full, I couldn’t put another book on them. And this was after the children had been coming to the library for at least a month so some of the books were checked out. On the shelves at the right in the photo, we had removed several sets of old encyclopedias – some almost 30 years old. Think what has changed in this world in the last 30 years.
In December, my former library assistant from Moye, Lorena, had moved back to El Paso from where she had been living in Idaho. She was hired by the principal at Guerrero to work the days opposite me. It felt like old home week, except we rarely saw each other, except on Wednesdays when I was going and she was coming. Like two ships passing in the night.
Over the next few months, I would withdraw close to 10,000 items from the library collection. I used The Crew method as my guidelines for evaluating and weeding the collection – removing books whose information was out-of-date/irrelevant, books that had not circulated in six years, books in disrepair. The school received an $11,000 capital replacement fund grant from the state to update the print materials and the wonderful Guerrero principal roughly matched that amount to ensure that I was able to create a more current collection. The average age of the collection went from 2001 to 2005, with some areas in the nonfiction section averaging a copyright date of 2006 and even 2008.
As I shelved books, I also weeded. The books on the very top shelf are the ones I have pulled from the fiction section to be removed from the library.
Removing the old, seldom used, out of date materials left room for the exciting new books to be seen and more easily accessed. There were also bins and shelves and crates of paperback books everywhere. Sometimes four and five copies of the same title. Some of the books were in the database and some were not. But trying to find a particular title was nearly impossible without looking through all of the little containers.
Yesterday, when I turned out the light and closed the door to the Rosa Guerrero Elementary School library one last time, I did so with tears in my eyes but also with a sense of pride at what I was able to accomplish while I was there. Here are a few before and after pictures.
This was the audio visual area behind the circulation desk. Hundreds of old VHS tapes mixed in with DVDs. Scores of old magazines, including about three decades of National Geographic from last century.
Before:
After:
Off of the circulation area is a small back office that was absolutely full of stuff…three twirling racks of CD and book kits, two large carts each with a TV, DVD and VHS player, shelves of unprocessed books, boxes of more books, three typewriters, an old opaque projector, overhead projectors. I couldn’t easily walk through it all.
Before:
After:
In the picture book section, there was a large screen TV that didn’t work, some large and very dusty stuffed animals, and a paper backdrop covering a large bulletin board.
Before:
After:
I had taken my bulletin boards down yesterday when I snapped this picture but during the year, I had this large board divided into four smaller areas with different fabric backgrounds, borders and themes. The large letters on the wall are just propped up there for now but will be adhered this summer to indicate the different sections of the library. Is it just me or does this space seem larger, more open?
Here’s the board subdivided.
These are pictures of the library space as a whole. I just feel so good about the work I did here. I feel like the library is updated and the collection is current. The cobwebs have been swept out and everything looks neat and organized.
It is ready for a shiny new librarian to start work there in August.
As I shut the door behind me, I thought of the day I left my library at H.R. Moye. I had opened that school library, ordered and purchased everything in it and probably felt toward it as I think the Guerrero librarian probably felt about her library. It felt like my second home.
In October 2013, I began losing my voice and having a lot of pain in my neck. At first, I thought it was stress. Our campus was very troubled and the administrator who had been hired to oversee the school had been removed from administrative positions in two other area school districts before being hired by my silly district. Our school’s state test scores had sunk to the bottom five out of close to 70 district elementary campuses. Morale was horrible. District and state educational policies were being ignored with great abandon. The faculty and staff tried time and again to get someone (inside the district and out) to help our school but no one would listen. All of this while the district itself had been taken over by the state education agency for mismanagement. Then superintendent Lorenzo Garcia was convicted of conspiracy to commit mail fraud for creating and implementing a state standardized test cheating scheme across the district. He has since served prison time. In recent weeks, five additional administrators have been indicted and yesterday, two more. One of those arrested yesterday was the very person our faculty asked help of for our campus. The whole thing has broken my heart. Read more here.
So not only did I have the kind of pain in my neck from stress, insomnia and worry but the disks in my cervical spine has collapsed. And when I learned that I would need surgery, I felt that retirement was my only option. My administrator would never have worked with me to allow me to remain on staff despite not being able to talk. Without telling anyone but family, I put in for retirement. I didn’t tell the students or teachers until the very end and didn’t go into school my last day on duty to avoid the inevitable tears.
These are pictures I took that last day at Moye.
The pictures on the wall above the shelves were backdrops I drew in pastel for the reading TV show I used to do for the district.
My mother made these curtains. This was a little “store” I had where the children could buy items with points they earned from reading books. These babies were very poor and would spend their reading points to buy crayons, shampoo, tooth brushes. My sweet Moye babies. Thankfully, that administrator was finally removed from Moye. Sadly she was placed at another campus.
So, when I closed the door to the Moye library that last day in December 2013, I didn’t know how sad I would be as an old retired librarian. How lost. And then I started blogging to fill my time, to try to rediscover this new (retired) me. And that’s when another door opened. The door to the Guerrero library. And yesterday that door closed. I cried when I left. When I said goodbye to the principal’s secretary and the principal – she is everything an administrator should be, EPISD at its best. I had a beer last night and pondered this post but set it aside.
Today I woke up smiling and wondering ‘what’s next for me?’ What door will open now?
Hugs and kisses,
Sheila @ Sheila's Potpourri
Thank you for sharing your story! The before and after pictures are amazing! What a great job you did on updating this library! Maybe next year you will be given another project similar to this one! Or maybe something completely different! In any case, I’m so glad that you started blogging since this is what brought us together!
Lily
I just cried. You left such a void at Moye. We all still miss you. I hope you find comfort in knowing the library is being taken care of. We also have such a better administrator. It’s not Utopia but we are working on it. Love you and miss you.
Anne Green
I would have loved to visit a library like that when I was little-well done! I hope your path leads you to a new and awesome adventure. It’s good that you’re staying open to new possibilities. I enjoy your blog so much. Thank you for taking the time to share your life.
Valerie
Leslie, I love the fact that here in retirement you got a chance to make the perfect exit. What a difference you made at Guerrero. You should be proud of your work. God provided you with this opportunity which ironically came as the same administers that gained your distrust through their (at best) lack of attention to what was going on in the district, meet with their punishment. I will miss you being in the library, but know another challenge will come soon. Keep you eyes clear of tears and open so you will recognize it when it comes. You were able to see this opportunity under all the piles of books and run with it. Congratulations and hugs.
Sharon
That’s just beautiful Valerie. Perfect words for your sister!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
You both are so special to me.
Deena
I love seeing the pictures of the cozy spaces you have created, what a blessing you were to that library!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you, Deena. I think it was as much a blessing to me as I was to it. I will miss the joy of work.
Priscilla Moreno
Hi Leslie! You’re such an inspiration. You are a fantastic librarian and it was an honor having you as my mentor. You did great work at Guerrero. I love reading your blog 🙂
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Oh, sweet baby! So glad you came by and left a comment. I am tickled that you read my blog. I say all of the time that the Jefferson High librarians are fabulous. Couldn’t be prouder of you and Mari Ann and the great things you do for those silver foxes. Thank you!
Sharon
I know you’ve had a hard time retiring and you’ve loved working at G. A new door WILL open and you will once again do what you love. Enjoy your summer break and seeing your girls. I hope you can come visit me also! 😊 You make me proud and I’m blessed by your friendship daily! XO
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Wow, wow, wow! Thank you, sweet friend. You are the blessing, not me. I hope you are right that a new door will open. Maybe in the form of a granddaughter moving closer??? I love you, Sharonia.
Donna
You were definitely a blessing to the library. That was a ton of work to update everything. Enjoy your summer and who know what the fall will bring! xoxo
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you, Donna! So glad you came by and left such a sweet comment. I do feel like I worked hard but I love, love, love my library work. It doesn’t feel like work to me somehow. I enjoyed this second day of summer vacay and will just see what happens this fall. Thank you again, dear one. XO
Vona Van Cleef
Love your blog, Leslie, and I will enjoy following it. If you aren’t already a FB friend of Linda Rivera’s, I will share your FB post with here. She volunteers in both her granddaughters’ school libraries in Austin as well as one in a poorer neighborhood, so I know she’ll appreciate what you saw and did at Moye. I’m so sorry about Mary’s losses ~ she and I did the UTA/UTEP library science program together and I liked her so much.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Mary is such a dear person. I will never understand why some people’s lives are so difficult and heart-breaking. What a wonderful blessing Linda must be for the libraries she volunteers at. Thank you so much for coming by, Vona. This silly blog keeps me off the streets and feeling sorry for myself until the next door opens.
Lori
Lovely, lovely post!!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you, friend.
Sarah @ Foxy's Domestic Side
OH my goodness, you did such a fabulous job! They were so lucky to get you! Thanks for sharing friend!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you, Sarah. It was truly a labor of love.
Ashton
I knew how unhappy you were Moye and with good reason! But I was taken back when you retired – I do hope your health issues have been resolved. What a lovely story and great pictures from Guerrero Elem. and even a mention of our award winning TV program Come Read with Me! It was by far one of my most favorite programs to produce and by far one of our most popular because of your talent!! I know the new door will be opening soon!! Hugs and Smiles
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Hey YOU! I was taken back when I retired, too. Sure didn’t want to but at the time couldn’t see any other solution. You are certainly wearing retirement well, my friend. Love following along on your adventures. Hope you will come back again, Ashton! Thank you for stopping by and commenting. XO
Susan
Leslie, I read your entire post and it just proves once again that you never know the story behind the person you see. We are both retired, but for different reasons. I retired to help my son and his wife with their small children because they could not afford daycare. Retirement for me was an easy decision and never looked back with regrets. Your story was very touching and has helped me get to know you a little better. Hope to see you soon!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
I hope to get to the card making this summer, would love to see you and Martha! I am glad retirement came easily for you. I am hopeful that maybe now I can feel a little better about retirement, too. I just love being a librarian and all that it entails and didn’t/still don’t feel ready to close that chapter. But my granddaughter will be moving closer and I think maybe that will be the transition I need!! Thank you so much for stopping by, Susan. Hugs!!
Karen Strand
Thank you for sharing your story Leslie! These are my favorite kinds of posts. Real life. It is easy to see you poured your heart and soul into your work. Both schools were blessed to have you on staff. I’m sure there is another window about to open for you. Pray with thanksgiving and ask God to show you. Then trust Him. Thank you again for this glimpse into your real life. Take care my friend.
Carrie @ Curly Crafty Mom
What a beautiful story, even though there is some sorrow in it. I think you will definitely find lots of activities to keep you busy to fill the void. I love that you shared before and after photos of what you did at the library as part-time help! Wow! Are you sure you weren’t there full-time? You are so devoted!
Carrie
curlycraftymom.com