Happy holidays, friends, and welcome to today’s post, Where Bloggers Live 12.2024: Best Gift Ever. Quite the appropriate subject considering the season!! You might remember I shared the best advice I was ever given in this WBL post from August. For today’s post, narrowing down the best gift I have ever received was tough. Here’s what I came up with.
Where Bloggers Live Series
The ideas for this colorful series originated with our adventurous leader, Bettye, at Fashion Schlub. She describes this series as being kind of like HGTV’s “Celebrities at Home,” but…with bloggers! Every month, Bettye challenges the six WBL bloggers with a prompt that invites us to reflect on our lives, dreams and memories. In case you missed it, find last month’s Where Bloggers Live post, here.
Just a reminder: Once Upon a Time & Happily Ever After occasionally uses affiliate links which are usually italicized. If you click or make a purchase from an italicized link provided I may receive a very small commission at no cost to you. Thank you for your support.
Please find the places and posts where I link-up on this page.
And be sure to pop in to visit my WBL buddies for their mimis posts. They are:
Bettye at Fashion Schlub
Daenel at Living Outside the Stacks
Em at Dust and Doghair
Iris at Iris’ Original Ramblings
Jodie at Jodie’s Touch of Style
Sally at Within a World of My Own
Leslie at Once Upon a Time & Happily Ever After
Where Bloggers Live 12.2024
In thinking about this prompt, no one present, wrapped in pretty paper and topped with a bow, came to mind. PC is a wonderful gift-giver and loves to pick out pretty jewelry for me. It would be hard to select just one of the things he has given me to be my all-time fave. Brennyn and Lauren are both thoughtful gift-givers, too, and so is my BFF Sharon. They all 3 listen and watch for things I mention I would like to have (never NEED anything) and then surprise me with something special. And Sharon’s packages are just gorgeous. Even across the miles from her home in Oklahoma City to mine in El Paso, her presents arrive in perfect shape, in the prettiest paper with big tulle bows. Everyone should have a BFF like Sharon!!
When the girls were little, the elementary school they attended, where I also worked as the librarian, had a Santa’s Workshop Christmas Store. Students could purchase very affordable trinkets for parents, grandparents and friends. One year, Lauren, I believe, bought this tiny snow globe for me that read “Best Mom Ever.” That has to be one of the best gifts I have ever received. And this time 3 years ago, we were preparing for the birth of our baby (grand)boy Declan. With 3 grandgirls, Declan was the cherry on top. The son, in Brennyn and Mustafa’s case, the grandson in our case, that completed our family. He was a wonderful early Christmas gift in 12.2021.
Today, though, I want to share an intangible gift I received from my mom, ironically on her 95th birthday in 03.2022.
(One of the) Best Gift(s) Ever
Funny how I chose to write about this but have done everything I can think of to avoid putting words to paper, or letters to laptop screen. That’s because it makes me happy but sad to think of Mom’s last birthday. And yet, my sister and I were gifted 4 very special days with Mom that March of 2022. We realized then how special our time was because when someone turns 95-years-old it is always cause for celebration!! But when we would lose our Mom just 5 months later, these 4 days became the last really happy time we had with her.
I shared some of those same feelings in this post from 12.2022 about my first Christmas without Mom. She struggled so on the holidays. I think she wanted to be happy and she did a great job of making us kids happy for Christmas but it was not at all her favorite time of year. All of those Christmases that she bucked up and did all the things when her heart really wasn’t in it were a gift to my brother Kevin, sister Valerie and me.
Dark Days
One year, Mom started falling apart emotionally around Thanksgiving then a few weeks before Christmas, she became suicidal. When she didn’t answer the phone for my brother’s daily morning call, he knew something was wrong. Instead of driving on to work, he turned around and headed to her apartment. He found Mom in bed holding a handful of pills. He took her to several psychiatric facilities before she was accepted for inpatient treatment that lasted about 2 weeks. Mom, still very fragile, was released just a day or two before Christmas.
Incidents like that became more regular. Only 3 times to the point that Mom acted on her suicidal ideations but for close to 10 years before her death, Mom was delicate. The 3 of us kept our phones on and at an arm’s length away all day and night. Her mental health was so precarious.
I am sharing all of this only to illustrate why Mom’s 95th birthday was such a gift to US.
Four-Day Celebration
Unfortunately, my brother had to be out-of-town for work on Mom’s birthday but he was with us in spirit. I flew from here to Lexington, arriving after Mom’s bedtime. My sister, who had arrived just a little before I did, met me at the airport in her rental car. We stopped at BJs restaurant for a beer then drove to my brother’s house, about 5 miles from Mom’s apartment, where we stayed during our visit.
We grabbed breakfast the next morning then headed over to Mom’s apartment, bright and early. That day was my granddaughter Lucia’s 6th birthday back home in El Paso – I hated missing that – and my BFF Sharon’s birthday in Oklahoma. From Mom’s apartment, we Facetimed with Lucia and then made this video clip for Sharon.
Looking back at these photos now, I can see how Mom was struggling. We have decided that she must have had several TIAs or mini-strokes. Her mouth was kind of droopy and she often had a vacant or lost look in her eyes.
Whetting Mom’s Appetite
The second evening, we took Mom out to her favorite restaurant, O’Charley’s, for dinner. For months, she had struggled to eat much of anything. The food from the dining room in her assisted living complex was not very appetizing and she often didn’t feel like going down to eat. We had tried having meals and grocery orders for some of her favorite things delivered but nothing sounded good to her. But for the 4 days of her birthday celebration, Mom’s appetite returned.
On her birthday, we ate an early dinner at Olive Garden. Mom positively shoveled in the spaghetti and relished every messy bite. It did our hearts good to see her appetite return. By the third day, Mom was asking at breakfast time where we were going for lunch and for dinner. She was raring to go. We brought her McDonald’s for lunch – a cheeseburger and a chocolate shake. Then after her nap we took her to Longhorn Steak House for dinner.
My sister was supposed to leave on the fourth day but her flight was canceled. I can’t remember why, but I was so happy to have her stay an extra day. And Mom was, too. That evening we tried a local restaurant, Ramsey’s, that served southern home cooking. Talk about good eating!! Mom waded into her chicken fried steak with great enthusiasm. And Valerie and I ate like little piggies at a trough. I bet I gained 5 pounds that trip. But it was so worth it.
What to Give a 95-Year-Old
Mom’s macular degeneration had made her practically blind. She was unable to read and struggled to make out anything on the TV. We had sent large print books for a time, then tried to figure out a way that she could listen to books but her hearing aids made that difficult. Earlier in the year, we had hired a woman who became a family friend, Jerri, to visit Mom several times a week. Jerri would read to Mom, ask her crossoword puzzle clues, quiz her on the names of family members and their photos. She often took Mom for a spin around the complex in her wheelchair.
We had purchased a ViewClix for Mom at Christmas. With it, we were able to Facetime her on a screen about the size of a Chromebook. She didn’t have to do anything to answer our calls, just start speaking when she heard the notification that she had a call. It was a God-send. We could ‘peek’ at her now and then just to be sure she was okay, too.
Birthday Shopping
So, we really had no idea what to buy for her birthday. Then Valerie thought of having a banner made, and we did that. And set up a little table outside her front door with some decorative ceramic birds for spring. Mom liked having a wreath or something welcoming at her entry in each apartment where she lived. That first afternoon, during her nap, Valerie and I went birthday shopping for Mom. We were both wearing denim jackets onto which we had pinned brooches and little pins. Mom commented on how much she liked our jackets so while she slept we went out in search of a denim jacket for the birthday girl and pins with which to embellish it.
The whole time we were growing up, Mom was never much interested in clothes or dressing up. Our dad bought her lovely things that she usually returned to the store. He brought her jewelry and purses and shoes from his travels to Europe and Japan but she rarely used anything he purchased for her. I am not sure what the dynamic there was but shortly before Daddy died, Mom began to show more interest in clothing. We were thrilled to finally have something to buy for her that she enjoyed. Her favorite line of clothing was Alfred Dunner. We would buy new outfits and costume jewelry to match.
The Big Day
Mom was celebrated up and down and all around on her official birthday, 03.21.2022. The kitchen staff baked her a birthday cake and Valerie and I bought one, too.
She was serenaded with the birthday song by a number of people and had visits from Jerri, her visiting caretaker, and Kevin’s girlfriend (now wife) Leeann. Mom donned a birthday sash and crown and Valerie had birthday squad/birthday queen tee shirts made for all 3 of us in honor of the big day.
We Facetimed with my brother on the ViewClix while Mom opened presents. The denim jacket with its bling was a big hit.
Even though she had a closet full of clothes, for her 95th birthday, we also bought her some new spring tops. Mom liked for Valerie and me to pull out all of her clothes from the closet and make outfits on hangers so she didn’t have to try to match things with her poor eyesight. We would hang a necklace that coordinated with each outfit over the hanger, too. She had become quite the fashionista and this made us happy.
The day after her birthday we spent the afternoon putting together outfits. We matched her birthday tops with pairs of pants in her closet to make new combinations. And then we would try different necklaces with each look until we hit on a pairing she liked.
This activity was fun for all of us. But it made me sad to think that once the outfits were worn and laundered, Mom would be back to trying to put pieces together without really being able to see well at all. If only we had lived closer together.
The Long Goodbye
Our last day together, I think Valerie had to fly out fairly early so I took her to the airport then came back to spend a few more hours with Mom. Once I helped her settle into bed for her nap, I took off for the airport, too. It was so hard to leave but I was so grateful for such a good visit. Such a fun celebration of Mom’s amazing life. I took this picture before she laid down that afternoon. She had looked so much more aware and with it during our visit. But in this photo she looks confused again. Not sure she understood where Valerie and I were going and that we wouldn’t be back to take her out for dinner that evening.
Notice her new birthday top and the necklace coordinated to match it. I remember being so sad leaving Mom. Took this photo at from the window of my puddle-jumper plane. My heart was breaking and I wasn’t sure why.
The Last Visit
Five months later, I received a call from my brother while I was scrapbooking via Facetime with my sister. Mom had fallen. She was being taken to the ER. The fall was pretty serious, even more so than we originally realized. But the ER did little to help Mom and she was released after several hours of monitoring. They didn’t even clean the deep lacerations on the back of her head very well.
The following night, the fire alarm went off throughout the entire assisted living complex. Mom got out of bed but was very confused about what was happening. She walked – without her walker – to the front door of her apartment but fell just as she reached it. One of the nursing assistants found her that morning and called my brother. By that time my sister had driven up from Tennessee to stay with Mom as my brother was scheduled to go out of town. They took Mom to the ER and she was eventually admitted with the possibility of a concussion. Mom never went home again.
Difficult Decision
I arrived the next day. I don’t know if Mom realized I was there. In a very short time – hours – she had gone from being able to talk a little to my brother and sister, to not being able to speak, sit up, walk. We think she had another stroke. Mom was unable to eat or drink. And we had to make the difficult decision to refuse life support by way of a feeding tube. The hospital wanted to send Mom home to die – however long that took. But we did not feel qualified to care for her and keep her comfortable until that happened. At the 11th hour, an opening became available at a hospice unit and she was transferred there by ambulance.
The Last Kiss
The nurses at the hospice unit were angels. They cleaned Mom’s wound, and gave her a sponge bath in bed, changed her gown, put lotion on her arms and legs. Mom was kept comfortable with a nasal canula and morphine but she by this time she was just a shell. Her spirit and soul had departed from her body. Valerie, Kevin’s daughter, Shelby and I spent the night with Mom in her room. The next morning Lauren flew out from El Paso and Brennyn and Declan flew out from Dallas-Ft. Worth to be with us. Brennyn tried so hard to get to the hospital in time for Declan to meet his great grandmother but she was just a few moments too late. Declan was the only great grandbaby Mom never met. But boy, she loved seeing pictures of that baby with all his hair.
We all spent a few days in a Air-B-n-B just being together, going through Mom’s apartment and making arrangements for her things, having her cremated and returned to us. It was comforting having the girls with me.
Thankful
I am so thankful that we had the gift of this precious time with Mom in March, not knowing that it would be the last visit. A lot of the details of those very difficult years with Mom have now blurred. And I haven’t looked at the photos from her last days in several years. Instead, Valerie and I always think back to what a grand time we had celebrating Mom on her 95th birthday.
Your Turn
How would you respond to this prompt? Can you think of an especially great gift you have received? I would love to know all about it.
What is it they say…
…so very thankful for this present.
Hugs and kisses,
It is an amazing and bittersweet story you have shared with us today. I loved to hear how your mom’s appetite came roaring back and the wonderful time you and your sister spent with her. What a gift those days were for all of you.
Gosh, Lesley. Your story is so emotional and raw. And I wish I could give you a hug.
But that time with your mother is so powerful. Our love for each other makes everything good.
XOXO
Jodie
I’m so glad you had that last really, really good visit with your mom and sister. I remember when you made the blingy denim jacket. What a loving thing to do. I’m glad you have all these photos, too. They may be difficult now, but you will be so glad you have them in the years to come. It’s also a gift from God you were able to tell her goodbye as she went home.
I can relate to your story in so many ways, my friend. I was my mom’s medical POA. When she stopped breathing, they called me even though she had an active DNR. I had to make the painful decision to let her go as they had no idea how long she’d been without oxygen. She had made her feelings very clear to me years before…no heroic measures of any kind. The hardest thing was knowing how Mom didn’t want to die alone, and she did. I really wish I’d known that would be the night…I’d suspected it was the last hospitalization because she just had that look in her eyes. I would have sat with her and told her it was OK to go. Dad was waiting…it had been 30 years of being apart, and it was time for their reunion.
What a beautiful gift in all the many different ways, Leslie. Thank you for sharing this powerful experience.
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
I just love you. Thank you for sharing the story of the difficult decision you had to make regarding your mama. Even though you weren’t sitting with your mom as she slipped away, I bet you were deep in her heart. She knew you loved her and like you said, she had the reunion with your daddy to welcome her on the other side. My mom was sooo tired. Now she is finally at rest and at peace.
Thank you, Marsha, for always saying such beautiful things and touching my heart with your friendship.
I’m not as old as your Mom was, but I can surely relate to her situation. I’m fortunate to still be living at home with family close by. I’m so glad you could spend some time with your Mom during her last months on this earth. THAT is a great gift. Merry Chritmas to you and yours.
Iris
Iris, I think of you so often. Wish there was a way I could let you know that I am thinking of you AGAIN!! Just know that you are a treasure to our group. I hope 2025 is a kinder, healthier year for you and you feel up to blogging a bit more. I miss your voice!
Your post, Leslie, has moved me to tears. Our mothers hold such a special place in our hearts. What a beautiful thing to realize the gift of those 4 days! A gift to be treasured forever.
I love you!! You are so sweet. Thank you for reading my mushy, emotional post and for taking time to comment.
I love that story 🙂 And indeed, that time you had with your mother and sister, was a special gift. So glad you had that.
xoxo Bettye
Thank you so much, Bettye. That 4 days with Mom and my sister were treasures.
My heart breaks as I read the last part of this. Having lived it, I knew where it was going. I stopped reading last night as the great birthday wound to a close. I just couldn’t bring myself to read the end until this morning. God not only blessed me with a great mom and dad, but he also blessed me with the opportunity to bet closer to both you and Kevin as we lost both parents. Taking this full circle in May, we will journey back to Creede Colorado and spread mom and dad in a place with lots of memories from several summers at a local ranch. I wish I had been closer to mom in my new house in Tennessee earlier in her and daddy’s lives, but God put me here when he did so I could be beside Kevin while he made some difficult decisions and while Leslie fought to get to us in time. Thank you Leslie for writing this tribute.
Thank you for reading and commenting and living this whole wonderfully happy/dreadfully sad experience with me. Paul read it aloud yesterday in the car and he stopped reading after the birthday part. Hope he will go back and finish reading sometime. Even in mom’s death there were the blessings of being together, spending that last night in the hospital with her, the girls trying to get there in time. Declan being a diversion – sometimes good, sometimes not so much.
I wish mom and dad could visit your home in Tennessee. I like to think they see it and whether they do or not, they are surely so proud of the beautiful HOME you and Roby have created together. There is no place like it. And I love being there with you.
Love you, big little sister.
I’m so sorry you lost your Mom – but 95 is a great number to have lived. I can only imagine how the goodbyes were. I love the little snow globe from your daughter – what a sweet gift. I hope you and yours have a Merry Christmas this year.
Thank you, darling Iris. I know we all lose our moms. But I had a really good mom. And her passing continues to impact my family. We loved her so.
Leslie, thank you for trusting us with your story. My heart goes out to you and your siblings. I’m so happy that you all got the opportunity to spend those few days celebrating your mom. That was truly a gift for all of you.
Oh, Leslie! This beautiful post is itself a gift. To us, to your mom, to your family and to yourself. I suspect you and they will revisit it on occasion for a bittersweet memory of lovely time spent with your mom…(the jacket photos were so sweet).
You’ve triggered so many emotions today…there IS so much sweetness spent with our elderly loved ones…very tender moments in the simplest of shared experiences. Remarkably difficult for them, but they are so appreciative of the gift of time, care, and thoughtfulness…that they so very desperately need. So much love in how you and your family cared for your mom…and how much happiness it brought her…
I know you have another gift to give when you take her and your dad to your family vacation spot. I’m sure it will be a very treasured time with your siblings.
Sweetest, Em, I have thought of you over the holidays. Hope you were able to gather the whole family ’round and your parents, too, and get that family photo you have been longing for. I am certain you make the most of every precious moment with your loved ones and do so in your beautifully, festively decorated home. Did you put up the branches in the hall with the twinkling fairy lights? I will never forget seeing pictures of those for the first time and just being enchanted.
I know you’ve had cold weather and snow – following the Bills keeps me abreast of your weather. This year on my fantasy football team, I made the poor decision to draft Jalen Hurts over my usual fave, Josh Allen. My poor Pale Pink Porkbellies really suffered and we won’t be in the Yahoo Fantasy Football playoffs. Learned my lesson.
Hold that sweet family and your darling pups close as we move into 2025. May it be a fabulous year for us all.