Sweet friends, at last, I am setting aside all remaining excuses to finally write this post. Have been writing it in mind for months but putting my thoughts down on ‘paper’ is another thing entirely. I don’t even know what to title this post so if it has a title at all, at least I was able to figure out that much.
I have been typing at this post now, off and on for most of several days. I am still not certain if I am saying what I want to say. Maybe that statement alone says it all. I am still feeling very lost, now almost 8 years into this retirement gig. None of my days ever look the same, which I guess keeps things interesting but I long for routine, and direction and a sense of purpose.
I am tired of trying on things – activities, hoping for the right fit. Again this school year, I agreed to be on the substitute librarian list. Perhaps I return to library work because that was one area in my life where I felt successful and accomplished. I long to have that feeling back. But I can’t figure out how.
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Guest Post
Maybe you read my similarly difficult-to-write guest post over at Leanne’s blog, Cresting the Hill, last week. Had actually hoped to have this post go live when my guest post did 2 Mondays ago. It was just as hard to write as this one has proven to be. A big thank you to Leanne for her invitation to guest post, and to everyone for the kind comments of support. They provided incentive for me to try writing from an authentic place again today.
Of Mirrors, Band-Aids and Boiled Eggs
Not sure why posts written from the heart are so hard to write. But I can liken this to standing before the full length mirror naked. Or, at the very least, in my underwear or bathing suit. I guess it’s just putting yourself out there…wherever out there is.
Rather than pulling the band aid off in one quick rip, and just getting this post written, I have toyed with the idea of writing it every day for months. Many times, I actually begin my day thinking how I will start this post. But I make a world of excuses for not sitting down to write it. In the midst of that last sentence, a notification came in that I had been paid for a book review I did. And just like that (snaps fingers), I was whisked away from here to PayPal in order to transfer the book review money I received from there to my bank account. Then I hopped from PayPal to Amazon to order a light bulb and to pay my credit card bill.
That has to tell you something right there. Paying my Amazon bill was more appealing than writing this post. So was boiling eggs, washing 2 loads of laundry, taking a walk, paying my Amazon bill, ordering those light bulbs, and last but not least, marinating a steak for dinner. I could keep putting it off but I really want to refocus my blog on writing. So…
It’s Time to Write
If you are new to my little world at Once Upon a Time & Happily Ever After, allow me a moment to share my original purpose for blogging. As my tagline suggests it was to chronicle the journey of rediscovering myself and my life after an early and reluctant retirement. I guess a little of that rediscovery was more an attempt at reinventing myself.
In what felt like the blink of an eye, I had gone from busy: full-time wife to my sweet husband, hands-on mom to my two beautiful daughters and elementary school librarian to an idle, retired, empty nester with lots of time on my hands. I no longer knew who I was or what I what I was supposed to be doing. Almost all of the labels and job responsibilities that had identified me throughout adult life had fallen away. Being Paul’s wife was the only constant from before and after retirement.
Once Upon a Time
A little background. The Once Upon a Time in the title of my blog refers to my life before retirement. Originally, when I picked up blogging, I thought I would use this space in part to share lesson plans that had been successful in my former career and ‘past life’ as a librarian. In particular, editions of fairy tales and lessons to go with them. Have always loved creating lessons and bringing books to life.
Once I had recovered from my surgery, it seemed logical that I put my hat in the ring to substitute teach. Mostly in elementary school libraries where I am most comfortable. Also accepted a few classrooms assignments, too…but quickly ruled that out as being much fun!! Even considered trying to go back to working as a librarian full-time but there are a lot of restrictions placed on school district retirees by the Texas Retirement System. So I stuck with being a library sub. Perhaps I repeatedly return to library work because that was one area in my life where I flourished and felt I was making a difference. I long to feel that way again.
Happily Ever After
Now that you know where the first part of the name of my blog came from, how about the last…the Happily Ever After part. That’s where I am stuck. I don’t know what this part looks like.
Try Everything
Lucia and Camila went through a short spell where they played Shakira’s song “Try Everything” from the children’s movie “Zootopia” on auto repeat for days on end. Thankfully, I love the message and the music. It could be my theme song for these first years of retirement.
Some of the things I have tried since retiring include: fashion challenges with Alison at Get Your Pretty On, taking up the art of mosaic-making, teaching an after school art program and through a grant-funded summer program downtown, a part-time, data entry position inputting items for sale on an eBay store front, painting classes, a one day trial of a photography class that wasn’t what I was looking for, and working as a volunteer to organize the El Paso Holocaust Museum library. And dabbling in arts and crafts but not limited to mosaic work. Scrapbooking, painting, collages, too.
Currently
My time going across the mountain to help with the girls has come to a close. Lucia started kinder 2 weeks ago, 08.02.2021, meaning she has to be at school before 8:00 am. Lauren is getting the girls up earlier and out the door so that they are both delivered to school/daycare before she starts her work day from home.
Although PC would deny it, I believe he has some trouble with me being home when he has to work. I retired early at 55. He is now 57 (I am 6 years old than he). He is absolutely ready for retirement and understandably so, as he retired from the military in 2007 with 23 years in. Then began his second career with the government in 2007. He is getting close to 20 years and retirement with. I completely understand that he is ready to retire. But it would really hurt our income for him to completely quit now.
Will Work for Food
So, since retiring, I have tried to work at various things so that I am contributing to our finances. As I mentioned earlier, there are crazy policies in place with the Texas Retirement System that keep me from being able to go back to being a school librarian full-time and I don’t think I would want to do that full-time again. But Paul seems less discontent when I am doing something…subbing, working part-time, even helping with my granddaughters. I think he resents me being home. And when I am, he asks what I did with myself all day…did I sleep? Did I eat bon-bons? Did I entertain some other man? Of course, I haven’t written all of here before because TMI. But feel like I do need to touch on it to better explain some of my difficulties in figuring out this chapter of my life.
In the meantime, it seems better between the 2 of us when I am not home all day everyday while he has to go off to work. Subbing is a good fit. A week ago, I was offered another long-term library sub position in a school where there is a vacancy. But the district did not approve the hiring of a long term sub for the position. I prayed about it and have to think there must have been a reason this job didn’t pan out.
Instead, I will be helping pick up my babies this week. But with all the rain our mountain road, the most direct route to their house, has been closed due to debris on the road. Will be taking the long way ’round.
Favorite Pastimes
When I am not helping with my babies, or subbing, or volunteering, I like to craft and decorate for holidays and different seasons. But these pastimes have not come without issue in my relationship with Prince C. either.
My Loft
I have many craft supplies filling my loft where I paint, collage, scrapbook and do my devotional time. It is a small area, you can see it here. I have tried to contain my supplies in boxes and bins but mid-project my desktop can be quite loaded down. Many times I have thought of moving my creative space into one of the guest bedrooms where I would have a closet and a door that I can close behind all of my crafting endeavors. But we need those guest rooms probably a half dozen times a year for company!!
The Garage
Then there are my decorations. If you and I have been friends for long, you know how I love to decorate for the different seasons and holidays. Doing so has often been a bucket list activity or seasonal goal. I store my decorations in plastic tubs on shelves in the garage. We still have room there for 2 cars, 3 pieces of exercise equipment=our mini gym, 2 bicycles, several tool carts, and more.
But my tubs are a point of contention with PC. And he isn’t that thrilled by the decorations either. You can see my summer decorations in this Where Bloggers Live post about my kitchen from last year. I set most of those things on the curb a few weeks ago in a start toward whittling down my many decorations to just a few special pieces. My neighbors gave the decorations a new home. Even my wheelbarrow that I decorated seasonally was adopted.
In some ways I am breathing a sigh of relief. I have lightened things which makes PC happy, is easier to get out, put up and store. And means that I will have less to go through when we downsize from our current house to something smaller. But it still feels like I am losing a little more of myself in doing so. Or am I just evolving?
Turning to Books for Clarity
In an effort to try to make sense of who I am now, I have begun reading more nonfiction books…of the self-help-ish genre. Two in particular have stuck with me – a huge feat since I seem quite capable of forgetting most everything in record time these days. The first was Yeah, No. Not Happening.: How I Found Happiness Swearing Off Self-Improvement and Saying F*ck It All―and How You Can Too by Karen Karbo. This book gave me permission to contemplate saying no to busyness and self-improvery. And even a big brave no to all the wrinkle creams being peddled on the Internet lately to the early retirement crowd.
And I just finished reading Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First.: 10 Questions to Take Your Friendships to the Next Level by Laura Tremaine. One of the biggest things I took away from it was the human need to feel like you belong. And I think that is what I have been searching for since I retired. And that was the central theme (I think) of my guest post for Leanne. Seeking a place where I belong. Where there are people who sincerely care about me. About whom I sincerely care. Tremaine suggests we take baby steps noticing what makes us feel more like ourselves, and then work toward getting more of that into our lives. Which I think is what I was doing when I was trying on the different part-time jobs, tasting new craft activities and hobbies. Seeking experiences that allow me to be my truest me.
I hope to review these books in a little more depths in the near future.
My Comfort Zone From a Different Direction
For a short time, I wrote a series on my blog entitled Stepping Outside My Comfort Zone. You can find some of the posts, here. I used this series to challenge myself to try new things. To explore myself and my interests. To hopefully grow. And I think I have done that. Perhaps ad nauseam.
My friend Cathy, from Adventures with Beth, shared this quote in a recent blog post. This pretty well sums up what I have come to realize.
[source]
Maybe That’s where I am now. Peeling away the things that don’t matter as much any more. But will I be left hollow, empty?
None of my days ever look the same, which I guess keeps things interesting but I long for routine, and direction and a sense of purpose. My friend Leanne explains the attractiveness of living within your comfort zone, here, much better than I do. Have come to realize that maybe what I am longing for in this season of life is contentment, security and peace. A sense of belonging. A comfort zone.
Your Turn
How would you define the season of life you’re in right now? Are you managing it well enough? If you are retired, how did you adjust? Can you offer me any tips? Would love to hear from you. I hope to write more posts on my experiences as I navigate through this chapter. Hope you will continue to join me. I so appreciate your support.
Make it a great week. I am finishing laundry, going to do a little Bible journaling and get the ironing board out. The sun is trying to break through so need to get outside for a dose of Vitamin D.
Hugs and kisses,
Lisa Elliott
I understand about PC and his feelings about your retirement. My hubby is 5 years older and he is now working two days a week and I’m still working 40+ hours. I love my job – a lot! Even so, sometimes I resent that he is at home taking a nap with the cat!! I don’t want to feel that way and tell myself “stop” but sometimes it sneaks up on me. Thank you for writing from the heart. I agree – it is MUCH harder to do that just general writing. It makes us vulnerable. Sometimes our vulnerability opens the door to enable others to examine their thoughts and feelings, too.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
I am so sorry you can’t always be home when you would like to be. Thank you for helping me to focus better on how my Prince C. is undoubtedly feeling. His job does allow him a lot of freedom to come and go, so hopefully he can hang in there til he can retire. But if we can get the house paid off, he could even retire earlier. I think part of my problem has been that I loved my job, too, for many years. And then that love was kind of stolen away by the miserable administrator we had our campus that last year that I worked. I mourned losing the joy that I had always found in my career. Hope you continue to love your job until time for your to retire, and then can move easily into that chapter of life. Thank you for giving me insight to another point of view.
Iris
Oh my goodness – I’m so sorry you’re so “at loose ends”. Have added you to my prayer list.
As to retiring. I keep saying “I won’t live long enough to retire”. I still work part time at my local cross stitch shop. I keep thinking I’ll actually retire but my family all urge against it. I don’t know why, I’m never at a loss for something to do and there are still many things I don’t have time for. I’d really like to do more volunteering, maybe go to a exercise class for seniors, etc. etc. I want to work on a book about my ancestors, I want to organize a cabinet full of very old family pictures, I want to….. there never seems to be enough time.
All that said, I certainly don’t mean to undermine your struggles. I had a hard time when my husband retired. He was ‘there’ all the time, always wanting me to do something with him. Eventually we sat down and talked it out and life was more much peaceful then (for both of us).
Iris
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you, Iris, for asking for prayers for me. I have such a blessed life but this stuff has been hard on me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. That can’t be good, right?
If you like your part time job, keep at it. Or maybe just slow down a little bit so you have a few more hours for the seniors exercise class, the book about your ancestors, organizing family photos. I like having a schedule and every single day I get up thinking I will do so-and-so at 9, and then do this at 10, and that at 11, etc. And my days never go like I think they will. And everything I need to do takes 3 times as long as it should. So frustrating. I don’t really think I want to work any more but I miss the success that came from working. The love of my students. The job itself. I loved it.
When PC retires, it will be very difficult. He cannot stay home or sit still. Our weekends are cram-packed with running around. He is slightly better lately (thank you, Covid) than he has been, I think because for so long we have had to stay home and he got used to it. But if he doesn’t get a hobby other than baseball, he will never let me craft, or read, or take classes because he will be so lost. We have talked about it but until the time comes, we will have to wait and see.
Thank you so much for reaching out to me. I appreciate your thoughts and support.
Joanne
My husband has had such a hard time with me not working; even with young kids at home he often asked what I did all day… after a few reaalllly long answers chronically literally everything I did all day he stopped asking. Then he was really great while I was homeschooling all 3. However, now that the boys are getting older he does ask me what I’m going to do when Evan is done homeschooling in just 2-3 short years and I honestly have zero plans to work outside the home. LOL. I really like my life right now and I just can’t think that far ahead yet I’m not sure what I will do but I don’t think I want a job just to have a job; if I find something that sounds too good to pass up I’ll definitely give it a try and I want to stay open to trying new things. Best of luck finding your purpose and fulfillment again.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you for helping me feel less alone with what we are experiencing over here. I love to work and have worked since I was 16. Many years I worked 2 extra jobs, summers, tutored, did a TV show, counseled troubled kids in addition to my fulltime job. But PC and I both were badly burned financially in our last marriages and so we have both gone into this marriage very sensitive about money issues. He is more of a saver (generally) than I am. And I buy for everyone I know, he buys for practically no one. So that is a bone of contention. He sees my crafts and decorations as kind of a waste of money. But I use my mad money to finance them, not our joint money. Anyway, it has been hard!!
A part-time job doing something you like to do (same for me) would be wonderful when the time comes. I help with my granddaughters but it is always such a rush that I never feel able to connect and enjoy time with them. I never have a few sane moments with my daughter either. It is just hard. I think I said that already, huh?
Hope you and your husband figure out a happy compromise and PC and I do, too. Thank you for the comment and the friendship.
Juhli
Thank you for “going first” about the challenges of finding meaning and purpose in our days when meaningful work and child rearing is done. I recently said to my husband that our days seem hard to fill (thanks pandemic for making it even harder) now that our careers and other busy meaningful life jobs are done. Retirement is a big challenge for many of us – at least it has been for me.
It sounds to me like there are several keys to what you are looking for based on what you wrote. A group of people outside of family where you feel you belong and are cherished. Acceptance by your husband that your current role is worthwhile and agreement on how your home is decorated and spaces are used. Interesting work whether paid or voluntary. And very importantly structure for your days and week without a sense of busyness for the sake of filling time. Forgive me if I am off track here but that is what I see in your words.
What would a satisfying structure of your days and weeks look like now that your grands are back in school? Let’s figure this out together!
Btw, those last few years of getting to 20 years as a “Fed” can feel awfully long but the pension 8s so worth it. Sympathies to your husband.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Oh, Juhli, I appreciate your synthesis of my post and my feelings. You hit the nail on the head. I long for structure. And for feeling like I matter again. Retirement has been very difficult for me. Partly because I really wasn’t ready and really didn’t have time to mentally and emotionally prepare. That should probably be another post. I have such a wonderful life, a loving husband and family but I am still struggling.
And I know PC isn’t happy either. He drags to work every day. And uses every excuse to leave early or go in late or skip work all together.
Then, like you said, there’s this endless virus. It is relentless in keeping us concerned and unsettled. Exhausting.
Thank you for giving me a direction for my thoughts. You provided a great understanding of my feelings and a good direction of how I can move forward.
Jodie
It’s not easy being open like this but sometimes I think that’s the first step.
My husband is more like you than I am. He’s always wanted to write a book and he’s started…but the finishing is the hard part. Until he hired a coach. That’s made all the difference.
Possibly a life coach (I know it sounds silly, but there are some wonderful ones. I’ve never used one myself, but I’ve heard).
Sometimes a different perspective can make all the difference, right?
XOOX
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Hmmm, wonder if there are life coaches in El Paso. Is that like a counselor? I had a wonderful counselor who has retired. And I haven’t found anyone to replace her. Maybe I just need to spend this time writing and that will help me clear my head and figure out where I go from here. Thank you for reading and thank you for your friendship, Jodie.
Jodie
I met one in Seattle, and she works online so I don’t think they would have to be in your area? I just met her personally, so I can’t say if she’s helpful in her field, but if you want to ask her questions, I’m happy to give you her name? (email me)
I’m not 100% sure the difference between a counselor and a life coach. Good question.
XOOX
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you so much. I will email you for her name. Not sure how virtual coaching/counseling would work for me. I like face-to-face but heck, in this day and age, what is that??
Lysha
Oh Leslie, I admire you for having the strength to write this post. I’ve gone through a time where I couldn’t find a job and being unemployed for a year+. Not knowing where God was leading me, feeling a tug away from teaching. I kept asking God to show me where I belonged, but time drug out so long. I finally landed where I am now and most days I love it.
I’m not sure if anything is helpful besides just knowing you’re not alone. I will pray you find answers and pray that your husband finds understanding and compassion for you as you struggle through this rough patch.
I know I’m amorously think about hitting 25 years in about 7 years, but I worry about my hubs wanting me to find another job after that or waiting until I hit 30 or more years. The thought of finding another job brings me anxiety. He won’t be able to retire till he’s like 67 and I could retire at 52 with 25 years in. We’re the same age! So that would mean him working 15 years passed me. I guess only time will tell.
I think the idea of a life coach is a great one. I listened to a couple life coach podcasts that I find helpful at times, one of which is called The Daily Boost.
Continued thoughts and prayers for resolve for you 💕
leannelc
Hi Leslie – I’m hoping that somehow this comment sticks and doesn’t end up in cyber space like my others do. I love how open and honest and vulnerable you’ve been in your post. I think all of us have struggles in Midlife – whether it’s work, retirement, empty nest, invisibility, over-commitment, marriage woes…..the list is endless. What I’ve drilled down to is Self-Acceptance – not being perfect, not trying to be a self-empowered guru, just accepting my flaws and also giving myself credit for my strengths too. I think we often overthink stuff and worry things to death – maybe we just need to take each day as it comes and find ways to make it work for us.
It also really helps when your husband is supportive – maybe it’s time for PC to consider working part-time or changing jobs? He sounds unhappy where he is and that then overflows onto you (I know I did exactly the same thing to my husband when I was so unhappy with my work situation).
Thanks again for being a guest on my blog and I’m glad it’s inspired you to do some deep diving into what you want your life to look like in the journey ahead. Remember that we’re all in this together – nobody has it all completely figured out xxx
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Oh, Leanne, as always your words spoke to me in this comment. I worry everything to death. Last night was a bad night for worrying about the silliest things. I do think I give myself credit for things I do but I also need to hear supportive words from others. My reputation as a librarian was probably the most lauded and best recognized of all the things I have done in my life. I guess I am seeking something that makes me feel as successful. Cleaning the house doesn’t get much applause or acknowledgement. Helping with my granddaughters always just feels so fast and furious and not like I am making a real connection with them. Of course, I don’t have to make a deep connection with them every time we are together, but it always feels like we are just scurrying and don’t have time to just snuggle.
My last year of work was pretty miserable and I would complain A LOT at home about the horrible administrator on our campus. She was some piece of work. So poor Paul had to listen and put up with a whole lot of grumbling from me before I retired. He has so much flexibility in his job, though. Is off every other Friday, goes in late and comes home early, and makes much more money than I ever did. While none of that is more important than being happy and satisfied with your career, it goes a long way toward that, I would think. Have encouraged him to look for another job at times but he doesn’t want to. He has had 3 jobs in the last 5 or 6 years, all very similar in job responsibility, but he hasn’t been happy in any of them. I think he is just ready to be done. And I get that, too.
Thank you for the thoughtful comment and all the support you have given me. I appreciate you!!
Deb
I don’t have time for a full and proper response at the moment (grandchildren arriving in 3 minutes and I still haven’t packed our picnic to take to the zoo!) but I will be back!
Take care, take each day as it comes at the moment and keep your lovely smile on your face. Each chapter of our lives comes with ups and downs and I’m really sorry you are struggling to find your way at the moment. Sending hugs x
notinjersey
As a stay at home mom with all three kids in school I sometimes feel the pressure to explain why I stay home or what I actually do all day. I hope you find something meaningful to make you happy!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you. It seems so many of us have similar feelings. Which is kind of sad.
Karen
I’ve been wanting to retire early for at least the last 5 years. I’m simply burned out from the job I’ve had for almost 30 years. The job has served it’s purpose; giving good wages, healthcare, retirement benefits. My Adventurous Guy asked me what I would do all day if I didn’t work (sleep, eat bon bons, entertain another man). He says he is not ever going to retire (so why would anyone else ever want to do it). Some of the things I’ve been interested in doing through the years such as flower arranging, things that he has no interest in doing whatsoever, he asks in disgusting tones, why would anyone want to do that. Recently I wanted to volunteer at the daycare, reading to the kids & going to the park kind of things, he told me they pay people to do that, why would anyone want to do it for free. He seems to want me to do only the things that he wants to do & has gotten worse now that it’s just the 2 of us. We have a good life & have fun times together. Sometimes it’s hard emotionally, especially when I have to explain a tire track in the driveway (mail delivery day) or the footprint at the entryway (walked home from work after a rain). I’m sure that kind of thing will get worse if/when I retire. I’m I ready to deal with those kinds of things more often on a regular basis? I’ve been keeping up with the days each month that I feel down & out. It seems it’s the same time each month even though having my monthly time is done & over with. I’m thinking, should I talk about it at my next well women check coming up in several months? I guess I can be thankful my blues & mangled emotions last just a couple days, then all is well again. It’s been good reading other’s thoughts on these related topics. Karen
Leslie Roberts Clingan
My sweet friend, thank you for leaving this heartfelt message. I completely feel your pain and your struggles. PC has gotten crazy lately about sneaking into the house thinking he is going to catch someone here with me. Checking my phone. Making crazy accusations for no reason. I can totally relate to how you are feeling about the questions and statements your husband is making. Paul asks if I really need more scrapbook paper or what I am going to do with another collage or mosaic. The joy of doing those activities has been replaced with worry about what I am going to do with whatever it is. Especially now that I am downsizing the decorations. I guess all of this goes with getting older and minimizing belongings, etc. But we aren’t dead yet!!
I have found that my moods kind of cycle round, too. Of course, I am no longer having a menstrual period but I wonder if our bodies still kind of have those emotions that are associated with PMS once a month? I feel almost bipolar because one day I am feeling so sad, and then I turn the corner and feel better for awhile only to come crashing down again.
Sending you love and hugs. Thank you for sharing your feelings with me.
Juhli
I truly hope you will find a counselor to talk to about the behavior your husband is exhibiting including sneaking home to see what you are doing. Some of the things you are experiencing sound controlling and others sound like financial worries or simple unhappiness on his part. Take care of yourself first please by getting professional support.
Jess
Hi Leslie,
I appreciate the time and energy you put in to write this post.
Before I was diagnosed with EDS, I was teaching music in the elementary classroom. I also had some teaching jobs in Elementary as my Master’s degree is in Elementary Ed and Music Ed . At that point, I had to quit my job teaching as I couldn’t work with the pain and condition. I also had to stop teaching guitar lessons, as my health was so unpredictable, I couldn’t be reliable.
I can relate. Although it was not retirement that brought me out of teaching, my comfort zones, I had to stop working due to a disease It has been over 12 years now, and I have at times, wondered about purpose, and a feeling of what am I contributing. I am looking to volunteer a few days a week with dogs, as I have wanted todo this for awhile. It can be hard –
I hope with your reflection, and trying diffierent things that you will be at peace and acceptance. I do understand.
jess xx
http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com
Brian
Our Dad understands, he retired 2 years before our Mom did, but he was plenty busy taking care of us kitties, doing house work, grocery shopping and preparing dinner. Once they both retired it was really weird for both of them, but the 4 of us keep them busy. A part time librarian thing would probably work well for you, best of luck!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you, sweet furry friends. My kitties are sometimes the only friends I see all day long. And they are here with me through good days and bad. Hoping that once my Prince C. is retired, we can settle into a routine. It is hard because he wants to be retired and home but I think he will really go bonkers when he is home day after day. Ha!! Glad your family is happily busy. You give me hope for the same.
Carrie @ Curly Crafty Mom
I feel you on wanting a schedule… I am very much an organized, list checking off type person and I thrive best on a schedule. However, I feel like since Covid and since my kids have become tween/teens each day is just very much different from the one before it. Between the two of them I think they had 60 virtual school days last year and it was a lot of work on my end. I’m tired. Lol. I am hoping this school year will be a little more normal, as I used to make a pretty decent part-time amount of money on my blog, but since Covid I haven’t had the time or energy! That was one thing I was really proud of myself and now my blog is kind of a mess/hard for me to even keep going with at times! My husband is still working from home, which makes some things easier, but it also makes it hard to shoot photos or just be in my own realm when I’m doing them, because he can hear what I’m doing or I need to have it all picked up by lunch (and sometimes that is hard to do!) so everything isn’t a mess in the kitchen and family room! Lol. So, this has def. just been a unique time is all I can say… and, things I used to do for myself like my weekly Bible study in person group, etc., I haven’t been able to do just with everything being so messed up. I feel I’ve kind of put all my goals on hold since Covid started. BUUUT, I must I am just glad my entire family is healthy and thriving and that is truly what matters. Even if I am tired! Lol!! I think you need to just keep trying to find your own path on this Earth! It helps me to write out my goals for 15 minutes (just anything that comes to mind) and then I revisit that list every year and I pull little things from it each month. Just enjoy a little of this down time you have right now and let it be the time where you can really find out who you are!
Carrie
curlycraftymom.com
Lauren
Hi, Leslie! My twins leave for college in a week, and I worry there will be sadness and a big hole in my life! I love being with my twins. Blogging used to take more of my time and make more of an income than it does for me now – things slowed down during Covid. I have interviewed for 4 regular (but remote) full time jobs within the past month. I turned down one and didn’t get two. I hope I’ll get the 4th! Like you, I have a husband who tends to think I’m napping or just having fun while at home. I’m hoping I’ll get the job to keep him happy and so I won’t have as much time to think about how much I miss my kids! I hope you find your post retirement happily ever after! Hugs!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you so much, Lauren, for helping me realize I am not alone. I think if I could just find something to do one or two days a week that would bring in some income, PC would be happier. Even thought he would deny having problems at all with me being home. And maybe it isn’t that he has trouble with me being here but he just wants to be here, too. And I get that. But I think he will find that sitting at home day after day with no direction or purpose isn’t all its cracked up to be. I have crafts and things I like to do but he really only has baseball. So he is going to have lots of idle hours on his hands.
I hope your adjustment once the twins are gone will be easier than you are anticipating. Maybe you can focus more on blogging. We could do something together!! And hopefully, this fourth job will work out for you and bring the direction to your life that you are looking for. Big hugs!!
canderson814
Oh Leslie, thank you for sharing your heart! I can sense how lost you feel. My husband and I are about 5-7 years away from retirement and we are looking forward to it. We both love to travel – road trips mostly, so we hope to do a lot of those. To be honest, I find my identity in Christ. I can’t look to my job. That can change at the whim of a boss. Or to my hobbies. That can depend on if I’m in the mood on any given day. I find peace of mind and joy knowing I’m a child of God and He loves me. He cherishes me! He accepts me and has a specific plan for my life.
After my youngest daughter moved to Philadelphia I found a piece of paper stuck to her closet door. It read, “You know all those things you’ve always wanted to do? You should go do them.” Leslie, I hope you’re able to live the rest of your life with wild abandon! And I will pray that you find joy and contentment in retirement.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you for your kind comment. When I start my day with devotional, quiet time it seems to help me focus and find peace for my day. But I don’t always do that. As well meaning as I am. Today, for example, I jumped out of bed and had to feed the kitties and get Paul’s breakfast and lunch packed before he left for work. And then I sat down here. Should have opened my Bible instead.
I do find some comfort in knowing that God has a plan for my life and I am here for a reason. Even if that reason isn’t necessarily clear to me. And when opportunities like the subbing don’t come to fruition, I find it easier to accept that it wasn’t mean to be. Wasn’t part of the plan for my life.
Thank you for your support and sweet words. Glad you and your husband will retire about the same time and have plans already to travel. I think this Covid situation has made being retired right now more isolating and difficult. Hopefully, it will soon be a chapter we can close forever.
thisblondesshoppingbag
Sweet Leslie, I hope it felt good to get this out and off your chest. I can relate to what you have said here. While I work full time I can tell you how difficult this season of my life is when it comes to finding a place where I belong. It’s messy but I don’t really have that place yet. It’s a time of change in my life and when I look back over the last 10 years, my head spins.
There’s hope for us all though and I know you’ll find your footing soon. Although I don’t know you outside of this space and we’ve never spoken, I could see you working somewhere that combines your love of books and arts. Keeping you in my prayers sweet friend!
xo,
Kellyann
patwdoyle11
Leslie, One of the things that helped me was writing a (long) This Is Me statement. It took a number of re-writes to shift it to the positive, but still realistic. I needed to accept myself and stop (try to stop) the Compare & Despair. I needed to acknowledge my strengths (and accept them!), and accept my “weaknesses” without trying to fix them. (yes, the Enneagram work & signature strengths work helped in this, as did the acknowledgement of my self-limiting beliefs and societal expectations.) I also needed to adjust to (and accept) the reality of my life – I will never be able to Marie-Kondo my home, cook gourmet, nor do crafts…and probably not even Kayak/SUP regularly. Although those last 2 still appear on my to-do lists. I’m never going to travel extensively – I needed to admit to myself that was part of my should/expectation. My “volunteering” is writing checks – and that is perfectly fine. I read this statement regularly!!
Another thing that has helped was create some routine. Morning journal, yoga, weekly Zumba, blog, monthly book club, etc. And acknowledge that each of those is an accomplishment. My days need to be full, not busy.
I continue to work on belonging. I expect the grass-is-greener often in this aspect! I don’t have kids/grandkids nor a BFF. I do have a couple of women who I can talk and connect heart-to-heart. And yes, a couple as in 2. I’ve learned to accept my “tribe” is transitional and I’m the usually the one who plans the activities. Yes, I’ve accepted that I am the instigator …. it’s part of the This is Me statement. So part of me weekly routine is planning those instigations!
I’ve struggled with “purpose” as well. And what I’ve come to realize is that by purposefully living every day/week towards my vision (active, connected, creative, contemplative) I am living my purpose. And I share this life both with friends and via my blog. Am I saving the world? Nope. Am I inspiring someone? I think so.
Anyway, yes there are life coaches in El Paso. There are life coaches ON LINE! I can send you a couple of names if you really think you want to try that path. You can also continue to write it out… on posts or just in your own journal. There are also lots of exercises that you can find on-line especially on purpose.- questions to ask yourself (you need to write out the answers and not just read the questions!). One Tool I liked, especially for a writer, was craft 5 short stories written 5 years in the future, telling how you got to the point you were at. Pick 5 areas of life – where are you living (and how you got there), what you did in different life domains (who’s in your tribe & how you found them, where you traveled and what you learned), etc. I’m happy to chat off-blog with you if your want other ideas!
You are an amazing, inspirational woman and I don’t think you give yourself enough credit for who you are!
P.S. A friend of mine works part time at the LOCAL library and I saw post recently about a woman who works to stock all the local “Little Libraries” and was looking for volunteers to help. There’s other library-like things to do if you want to brainstorm there. 🙂
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you so much for this thoughtful response to my post. You have outlined some great things for me to try. I like the idea of writing 5 stories of life. Going to look into doing that. I think writing is a great tool for organizing my thoughts. Even scribbling things down in the middle of the night brings me clarity and release.
Several people have mentioned life coaches. I had a wonderful counselor who retired and have tried several new counselors but didn’t find the connection with them…and then Covid. Might be able to find something to ‘visit’ with now. Not sure how I would do with virtual counseling. I had a few sessions during early Covid months but prefer having face-to-face sessions.
I think you have become comfortable with where you are in life. And sounds like you are well adjusted to life in Florida. So proud of you. Thank you for taking time to reach out to me with your suggestions and positive support. Going to follow some of these ideas and see where I go from there.
patwdoyle11
I thought it didn’t go through the blog comments so sent you an email as well. If you ever want to talk things more, do let me know…. I was a certified life coach. I just found that i didn’t get satisfaction from it as much as I had hoped to! And yes, it is about finding someone you can click with.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you for taking the time to email me and leave a comment. I don’t know why my blog holds comments – not all, but some random ones – hostage for a few days. I have to physically approve them. And forget that I need to do that. I am glad to know you are a certified life coach. I might need your services!! Although, today – Monday – things feel better. Thank you for everything!!
Daenel Vaughn-Tucker
I think I could co-sign 95% of what you wrote as well as what was written in the comments. I felt lost when I was a stay-at-home mom because I was. so. alone. And then once the kids left, I was so. alone. I mean, I have The Hubs but he’s a social creature and makes friends easily. I’m not and I don’t. I still find myself wandering mentally and emotionally, but physically? I think I’m still trying to figure me out.
Debbie
Dear Leslie, just catching up and i have to say i love your writing from the heart! I know it’s hard but it is so revealing and you are so vulnerable! I do hope writing things down has clarified it to you and again your post for Leanne was great. It’s not an easy time but you are doing well and being open and authentic with yourself and others. Retirement is different for everyone! Love how you do all your decorating each season by the way 🙂