Hello readers!
It’s been awhile since I’ve written a Title Talk book review post. Going to give it a try today with a review of Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies about Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be by Rachel Hollis. And I thought my titles were long. What does the SEO look like on that bad boy?
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About 6 months ago, I began reading reviews and comments about this book on many of the blogs I follow. Decided to buy myself a copy to read on my Nook via my Kindle reader app. Mentioned the book to our virtual book club and several of the members were interested in reading it, too. We dived in. Or they dived and I waded. And finally 2 months and one dead Nook later, I am writing my thoughts on the book to share with you.
One of my blogger pals, Donna at Retirement_Reflections, joined me in reading Girl, Wash Your Face. We shared our thoughts through an email discussion of the book. Donna expressed her thoughts in concise, well-written points. It took me a month of Sundays to get the book read (Donna was beyond patient with me), and my comments were kind of all over the place. Like a big spaghetti. Hope you will join me in reading Donna’s review, here.
Girl, Wash Your Face
First off, let me say that I am pretty sure this book was written for women younger, wealthier or more self-absorbed than I. Based this opinion on:
- Hollis’s writing style. Her use of hip-hop urban slang.
- The titles of some of the chapters in the book. “The Lie: I’m Not a Good Mom.” “The Lie: Other People’s Kids Are So Much Cleaner/Better Organized/More Polite.” And one about marrying Matt Damon.
- Hollis’s slight air of superiority or at the very least, boastfulness.
- How, in one chapter, Hollis suggests we all adopt a willingness to offend (uhh, rude).
- Her suggestion we all afford ourselves an encounter with a guru (uhh, out of touch with the disposable income of most young women and old ones, too).
That being said, Hollis did make points that resonated with me.
The Good
So many of Hollis’s nuggets of ‘wisdom’ were so simple.
- I figured out what makes me happy and I do those things. (p. 8) Going to the beach makes me happy. But I can’t afford to go to the beach. Seeing my granddaughters and daughters makes me happy…but guess what? Yup. So, figuring out what makes me happy is easy…making it happen, not always so much.
- Starting with one small goal. (p. 18) I like. Baby steps. Accomplishing one goal clears the way for tackling a second one, and doing so with more confidence.
- Women actually putting themselves on their own priority list. (p. 31) A lot of mommies struggle with this. I sure did. But it is important to take care of yourself for YOU, and then for everyone else in your life. And a gentle voice reminded me, Rachel, you don’t know their story. (p. 36) Indeed. With all our talk about finding our tribe; fierce revolution; me, too; supporting one another…women can be just plain mean and hurtful to one another.
- Friends, it’s not about the goal or the dream you have. It’s about who you become on your way to that goal. (p. 69) Often times, PC asks me if I would like to go back to being 25 again. My answer is always no. Not just no, but NO! I wouldn’t live through all that junk again for all the tea in Boston. This is kind of like saying it’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Amen! I like where I am now much better than where I was at 25. I like who I’ve become.
- Getting out of the house. (p. 88) Yes. My dad used to suggest I go for a walk when I was at my wit’s end. A change of scenery, a breath of fresh air, some exercise can make a huge difference on your outlook.
- Making a list. Seriously. And setting goals, not time limits. (p. 110) This has taken me a long time to learn. I have always loved a good list but these days I am making them and remembering to consult them! Bonus. We need to allow ourselves some grace in realizing our goals. It’s about forward progress.
- You need to be healthy. You don’t need to be thin. You don’t need to be a certain size or shape or look good in a bikini. You need to be able to run without feeling like you’re going to puke. You need to be able to walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded. You need to drink half your body weight in ounces of water every single day. You need to stretch and get good sleep and stop medicating every ache and pain. You need to stop filling your body with garbage like Diet Coke and fast food and lattes that are a million and a half calories. You need to take in fuel for your body that hasn’t been processed and fuel for your mind that is positive and encouraging. You need to get up off the sofa or out of the bed and move around. Get out of the fog that you have been living in and see your life for what it is. Does your Creator love you as you are? Yes! But he gave you a body with all of its strength, and even its weaknesses, as a gift. It is an offense to your soul to continue to treat yourself so badly. (p. 183) Yes! Good stuff with the exception of the word ‘puke’. I have never said that word.
Toward the middle of the book, it began reading like a broken record…set goals, be good to yourself and others, make a list, talk to someone, set goals.
The Bad
Some of Hollis’s advice seemed idealistic and over-simplified.
- A new mother’s daily list of goals should boil down to 1. Take care of the baby. 2. Take care of yourself. (p. 86) Yeah, right. Not in my world. Who was going to take care of Brennyn when I had Lauren? Oh, and the laundry, who was going to wash that? The dishes didn’t wash themselves. And we couldn’t just not eat for the first six weeks that new baby Buffy was home. Unrealistic. Idealistic. Might work for the rich and famous.
- Staying away from Pinterest. (p. 88) I had my daughters long before Pinterest but because I am some what of a perfectionist raised by two perfectionists, I had a pre-conceived idea of what the perfect mom should look like. Not that my mom was necessarily perfect but she knew perfect and expected close to that from herself and her oldest daughter…at least from my perception. Even in the 1960s, not long after I was born, there were the Leave-to-Beaver June Cleavers in dresses and pearls, aprons about their waists, preparing a from-scratch home cooked meal in heels. There was already or has always been this expectation, these rules for women. Look at Barbie! She was ‘conceived’ a year after I was born. Good grief, we are the same age! Look at that waist of hers. Those feet. I knew my parents should have bound my feet.
- I get to decide who I am. (p. 133) Kinda. But I also have a dozen other folks chiming in on who I should be. My PC likes my hair long and doesn’t like red nail polish. My daughters, too, like my hair longer. And yet, whose hair is it? Nobody liked that I was working my little job. But whose job was it. I get to decide who I am but it seems everyone has an opinion about who that is. And wants a vote.
Rachel Hollis has been identified as an Influencer. But who gets to decide that about her? Is there a panel of people sitting about a round table who knight certain others as Influencers? Who are they influencing and about what do they influence? What makes Hollis, in her mid-30s, the ages of my daughters, an authority on anything? She is an ultra-competitive, self-proclaimed work-aholic who comes off more than a little self-absorbed and conceited, IMO.
But maybe I am just jealous because she’s made a fortune telling women to find their tribe, to talk to someone when life gets crazy, to set goals and write lists. And now she can afford to do what makes her happy. While I dream of the beach. I need to write my book.
Your Turn
Have you read Girl, Wash Your Face? If so, I would enjoy reading what you thought about it. Won’t you share your mini-review in a comment below? If you haven’t read Girl and would like to, there is a free online version available at parable.com.
The book concludes with this thought.
Girl, get ahold of your life. Stop medicating, stop hiding out, stop being afraid, stop giving away pieces of yourself, stop saying you can’t do it. Stop the negative self-talk, stop abusing your body, stop putting it off for tomorrow or Monday or next year. Stop crying about what happened and take control of what happens next. Get up, right now. Rise up from where you’ve been, scrub away the tears and the pain of yesterday, and start again . . . Girl, wash your face! (p. 213)
Going to go wash my face. Brush my teeth. And get ready for bed.
Thank you for visiting today. It’s already mid-week! My PC will be home on Friday, Hurray!
Hugs and kisses,
Kellyann Rohr
Sweet Leslie, I enjoyed reading your thoughts. I started off reading the one you gifted me (thank you btw) and then got sidetracked and did not finish but I will. It is an easy enough read.
I feel like Hollis is very determined and very skilled in seeing what is obvious and pointing it out. She has an incredible belief in herself and her ability and I think that is what makes her so appealing.
Maybe we are too old and too established in our lives and roles but I bet younger women who want to be entrepreneurs will find this to be their holy grail!
Even though I have not completed the book I can say that what I have read, which is most of it, I will say she didn’t tell me anything new. I thought that maybe that was because I have a master’s degree in counseling. As a licensed mental health counselor self empowerment is what I preach – ha! Getting out of our own way, eliminating beliefs that limit us – yup, that’s my jam (see I can use slang too – ha!).
I’ll have to go finish the book and let you know my final thoughts!
xo,
Kellyann
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you for your thoughts on Girl, Wash Your Face. I appreciate your choice of words…Hollis has incredible belief in herself. Sounds much kinder than saying she has an inflated sense of self, which is kind of the way I saw her. I tend to be slightly the workaholic so could relate to some of what she said about that. And I was probably more confident about my ability at work than I was about anything else I attempted to do…mothering included.
I hope that one of the big take-aways for the younger generation of moms/wives/working women will be in having more confidence in themselves than I had as a young working wife and mom. It has taken me 60 years to grow to like myself, and accept my body. That’s a lot of sadly wasted time.
Debbie
Hi Leslie, I really enjoyed reading both yours and Donna’s reviews of this book. Thanks for your honesty but I think I’ll pass on the free version of the book. I got enough from what you both have said to know it’s not a book for me. I think I’m well above the desired age bracket and audience. She’s obviously got no self esteem issues anyway, by the sound of it!
Dara
I feel like I would feel the same way as you about this book. In general I find memoirs self indulgent (which is weird since I like reading blogs). I should probably just read this and get it over with so I can speak to the hype myself!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Dara, I would be interested to hear your opinion of Hollis’s book. I think there is some take-away in it for everyone but she begins to sound like a broken record about mid-way. And as Donna suggested was that to improve her word count or to just really drive home her 4-5 key points. Talk to someone when you struggle, talk to someone, find a friend and talk to someone.
Pat
Leslie, I read both your review and Donna’s and no, no desire to read the book. Your review however made me laugh out loud a few times! Thanks for that. Binding the feet, everyone has a vote, who’s gonna do the laundry?
I did love the “I like who I’ve become”. Might be my new mantra.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
I think you and I both have struggled in the past with liking who we were but are finally becoming more self confident, and comfortable – even happy? – with who we have grown up to be. Glad you had a chuckle in reading my review of Girl, Wash Your Face. I think that Hollis’s book was written for a more privileged reader than I was/am at 30 or 60. I can’t imagine spending=wasting $1K on a purse. I struggle paying more than $39.95 for mine. Maybe I am the one who is out of touch, though, and not Hollis at all.
Nancy Dobbins
Hi Leslie,
I read Donna’s review at her blog and now this…I like how everyone who reads something takes away something slightly different. It seems some like this title, some don’t.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Nancy, you hit the nail on the head…most of the younger gals seemed to take away so much from Girl, Wash Your Face, while the gals in my generation, sifted through the book to only find a nugget or two of gold.
Donna
Hi, Leslie – Thank you again for the opportunity to discuss this book with you in a ‘private book club’ format. I gained much (much) more from the words and reflections that you shared privately with me, than I did from Hollis’s writing. But, it was Hollis’ book that inspired our discussions — so I am appreciative of that.
Thank you for linking to my post. Enjoy a well-deserved day of fun!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
It appears our joint book reviews were well received. And our conclusions/opinions of the book echoed by the others who read it. The younger gals seem to take more away from Hollis’s words. The girls of my generation and a little younger, found a nugget or two of value but have figured out most of the rest for ourselves already. It would be wonderful if the younger moms/wives/working women could become more confident earlier on than I did. Thank you for your patience, your wisdom and insight on this project.
Cindi
I was very blunt in my review:
https://diaryofamadretiree.wordpress.com/2019/01/16/goals-dont-have-expiration-dates-and-other-meaningless-quotes-spewing-out-of-rachel-holliss-mouth/
I found it very sad that this woman’s book make the NY Times bestseller list. It’s sad to think that our young women today would make such a poor choice in leadership. Most people I met hated this book, yet Hollis is a Number 1 winner.
Go figure.
BTW, I left my review on the other blog you mentioned but she never printed it. I guess bluntness doesn’t count.
Donna
Hi, Cindi – I did print your review (and replied). My sincere apologies, it was in my Spam Folder and I did not see it right away. As this has happened before, I need to check my Spam Folder more often. Honesty always counts!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
I think Hollis’s book was better “suited?” to gals younger than we. But like you said, it’s sad to think our younger ‘sisters’ would look to this gal as an influencer.
Linda
I haven’t read the book even though it was everywhere you looked. I don’t think I will read it. So many women thought it was great but I also found reviews similar to the ones here. I agree with so many of the points made here. Thank you. I hope the younger women don’t take everything to heart in this book.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Linda, I completely agree. I hope young mothers and working women don’t make Girl, Wash Your Face their Bible. But as with all things, moderation! There are tidbits of wisdom but it wouldn’t be my choice for designing my life around.
Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com
Hi Leslie! I am also a blogger friend of Donna’s and after I read her review on her site I decided to pop over and see what you thought. I agree. I read the book too and had many of the same thoughts. I also do quite a few book reviews on my blog–but when I encounter a book I don’t care for and don’t want to recommend, I just don’t write a review. Why? Probably because as an author myself I know what it takes to write a book and put yourself out there for the world to see and respond. And while writing a quality blog is somewhat similar, there is something about putting a chunk of writing together and placing it out as a stand alone line of thinking. My first book was published back in 2003 and if I read it now I cringe at some of the thoughts I had then that I don’t have now but there is no way to ever change it. (of course with my current books that I self-published I do have more flexibility.) But then, I would never recommend a book that I didn’t really enjoy or agree with overall and this book was like that. It did have some good points, like you said, but it too a lot of wading to find them. And some of it could be generational. The only reason I read it was because it was one of my book club selections–and that particular club had lots of younger women in it–and they all loved it!!!! One of my biggest arguments against it was how “Christian” it was. I do consider myself to be a spiritual person, but I don’t fit into the “Christian” genre at all. I felt much of that was included so that it could be marketed as a Christian Book Title. And trust me, that pulls weight in the book selling world. Anyway, I think it is refreshing to see honest reviews and I commend you for it. ~Kathy
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Hi Kathy, just getting around to commenting on the comments left on my blog post review of Girl, Wash Your Face. I was very surprised to see that this book was categorized as “Christian” literature. I am uncomfortable with the label or adjective ‘Christian’ because so many times it is used as a synonym for what is right or good or true or honest, in my opinion. And some of the most ‘christian’ people I know are Muslim and Jewish. Wouldn’t have thought that labeling or identifying a book as a Christian Book would be a profitable marketing strategy. That makes me wonder, too.
Congratulations on being a published author. Some days I think that is my dearest bucket list item and other days, I just don’t think I have the stick-with-it-ness to make it happen. And for that reason, I need to be kind to those who do have the stamina and drive to realize that dream. My hat goes off to you.
Thank you so much for stopping by and for your thoughtful comments.
Carrie @ Curly Crafty Mom
I really did love this book and some parts of it were even a bit young for me, now that I have an almost teenager (eek!). I’m also sooo not a workaholic and find those that are exhausting (my mom worked two jobs when I was a child and I never saw her…) Might I add, she could have worked only one job and we would have been just fine. So, that may be why I’m that way in thinking family time is valuable. I do believe we need to make time for ourselves when we can, which can be more hard for others… I kinda found how she met her husband in the book just… not romantic at all (if I’m gonna be honest). But, I did bring some things away from the book. I do believe WE are the ones who can dictate we are going to take care of our bodies. I don’t know if I’ll read her second book… we’ll see! 🙂 Loved hearing your honest perspective on this!!
Carrie
curlycraftymom.com
Leslie Roberts Clingan
I appreciate you sharing about your childhood, how your mom worked 2 jobs when she really didn’t need to work as much. That must have been difficult to understand as a child. My mom didn’t work at all, which was more the norm for children growing up in my generation. There were times, though, that I think she might have been happier had she worked. And I think my father thought he was marrying a woman who would work. She was a chemist when they met. Maybe I was a bit of a workaholic because my mom never worked.
The way Hollis met her husband wasn’t terribly romantic nor did he seem like a terrific catch. More like kind of a jerk! Oops…no, I didn’t!
Not sure I will read her second book, except I do find myself apologizing a lot. Not as much now as I used to when I was younger…and married to the girls’ dad. Geez, I never did anything right then.
Kim
I’m pretty sure I’d have the same opinion as you, Leslie. From your “Good” points, I didn’t see anything new. I don’t have a clue who all of these women are who aren’t taking care of themselves, as it seems we’re in a self-obsessed society and it seems like there is very little of taking care of others. Just my opinion. I’m big on forgiveness, too, not cutting “toxic” people from your life. Either that or “toxic” has come to mean anyone who’s every hurt your feelings.
Donna
HI, Kim – I love your point about forgiveness. I wish more and more people who adopt this understanding.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Well said, Kim. I agree we are a self-obsessed society! Just go into any fast food restaurant and watch the moms on their phones while their children fend for themselves. I think women who were moms when I was were probably too self-sacrificing which probably caused some of the self-absorption of younger moms today. There needs to be a happy medium. All things in moderation.
If I cut the toxic, dysfunctional people from my life, I would be sitting by my toxic, dysfunctional self!! We all have issues, we all have crosses to bear. And most of us do the best we can. I agree, forgive and move forward.
Sue from Sizzling Towards 60 & Beyond
HI Leslie, thanks for the review and I’ve not read this book. I wonder what my daughter would say re the new mother’s daily goals? In three weeks she returns to full time work after 10 months parental leave with her second son. It is all well and good in theory but as you say there are chores to be done, Ethan to be looked after and preparing him for school, plus coping with a new baby and new routines. Whilst Rachel loved her time with Elliot, she was lucky he was a good baby. Sometimes life can’t always be rainbows and unicorns and in theory the author has written what we would all like to be but sometimes it isn’t as easy as she makes out. I’m not sure I would enjoy the book and like some of the comments, your review has given me the salient points in the book and I think many of us have figured it out by now anyway. 🙂
Leslie Roberts Clingan
We have finally figured it out, haven’t we? I love that you said that. Would hate for younger women to make this book their gospel, their foundation for life. While there were nuggets of good, Hollis lives a very privileged life, and if she was able to support? herself?? at 17, I can’t help but believe there was some privilege even then. I don’t know that she has struggled enough to write from the trenches. It has always been my opinion that in the military, the best officers are those who were enlisted and in the trenches first. Kind of feel the same way about mothering. One time I saw a headline on a popular magazine at the celebrated the wonderful mother Julia Roberts was. Ha! Who wouldn’t be with all the money and help in the world!!
Christie Hawkes
I have not read this book Leslie. I enjoyed reading your review and Donna’s back-to-back. That said, I probably won’t buy the book. It sounds like I got the best parts from the two of you and I don’t have to wade through the repetitive parts. My sister and I, who live in different states, like to occasionally read books at the same time and discuss them via text. I love it!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Oh, Christie, my sister and I are in a virtual book club together and talk about the books we read even when the rest of the club is mute!! Reading a book with someone else always helps me to get more out of the book. Even in the days when I was a school librarian, my babies, my students would often see something or pick up on something I completely missed.
Jill
I love your honest review! There was so much hype about this book. I read it and for the most part, enjoyed it even though I didn’t agree with everything. She did have several call outs that resonated with me, most of the points you listed. I also think I’m a few years older than her target audience so not everything was relatable.
Jill – Doused in Pink
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Jill, I think maybe Girl, Wash Your Face resonated more with the younger generation of moms and wives. I struggled with her suggestion that a new mom just need worry about if she is breathing and if her baby is breathing, and if so, all was well with the world. Had I followed that, we would have been buried in dirty laundry and dishes and my family would have gone hungry!! Ha! Most everyone I’ve talked to who read the book, took something away from it. And Hollis made a fortune!
Joanne Tracey
I have just read Donna’s review too and don’t think I’ll be rushing out to buy this one. I do, however, agree with Hollis’s list of things you should do (the last point in your “good” list). What I do love is how the book provoked strong reactions in each of you – and how you communicated back and forth in relation to it.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Joanne, Donna had such insight and great observations about the book. I felt like I tried to apply Hollis’s suggestions to my life, and could imagine some working and others not so much. A lot of what Hollis shared seemed to come from the perspective of someone with money and privilege…and an idealistic, youthful point of view. But it was difficult for me to apply those ideas to my life. Thank you for coming by!
jodie filogomo
I just read this from the library because I’d seen so many others read it. I liked the first couple of chapters the best. The inspiring talk is fabulous, but for some reason, I got over it after awhile.
But I’m glad I read it.
XOXO
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Something that Donna picked up on was the repeat of ideas and themes across chapters. Maybe for emphasis but maybe for word count?? There were so good points made throughout the book and I am glad I read it, too. Just wish I had read it faster!
Dee | Grammy's Grid
Thanks for your review! I haven’t read it but after reading your and Donna’s reviews, I don’t need to read it. You both summed it up well and told me all I need to know about it.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Yup, Dee, I think most of what Hollis says in her book is for the generation of moms/wives/working women who have come after us. And even then, much of it is just common sense. However, at 27 or 28, it would have done me good to have read this and adopted more self confidence.