Welcome, mommies, daughters, sisters, grandmothers and friends!
Linking-up with Erin at SimplePurposefulLiving, the hostess for the 10 on the 10th series. Today’s prompt is “10 things motherhood taught you” or me, in this case.
I always wanted children and planned to have 5 at one point in my younger days. Because I was anorexic in high school and my freshman year of college, my menstrual cycles were all out of whack. Went months and months between periods for probably 6 years or more. My doctor warned that I might never get pregnant. But after taking a course of fertility drugs, and trying to monitor my sporadic ovulation, I finally got pregnant with Brennyn after 3 years of trying. Lauren came along exactly two years later. My almost miracle babies.
Here’s what being a mommy at long last taught me.
10 Things Motherhood Taught Me
This was a tough assignment for me. When I look back at my years of full-time mothering, there are a lot of sad feelings and the wish that I had been a better mom. I made lots of mistakes. Not intentionally but that doesn’t really make them any less hurtful.
They say that hindsight is 20-20. Here’s what I have learned, what I know now that I should have known then.
- Just listen. Sometimes all your children need is for their mommy to listen to them. We can’t always save the day, or fix things. And often our children don’t expect us to. They just want to share their feelings, their troubles, their bad days and get a hug from mom.
- If something seems off, it probably is. Trust that mom-instinct. If your normally talkative tween isn’t talking, get on that. Investigate. If your 3 year-old is saying something that just doesn’t make sense in your head, keep asking questions until it does. And if your high school junior has suddenly done a 180 in class, socially, in dress, hygiene, personality, there is something behind it. Never chalk it up to them just being kids.
- Make your house the play house. Rather than having your kids go somewhere else to play, which is okay in moderation, I guess. Make your house the place the neighborhood kids want to play and the teenagers want to hang out. Have snacks, encourage playing outside in the yard. We had a pool but you can put on the sprinkler or make water balloons. Have a neighborhood movie night. Give everyone sidewalk chalk. When the kids come to your house, you get an opportunity to meet them and to monitor their activities.
- Have special times with each child. I didn’t do dates with one daughter while the other stayed home. But I did let the oldest daughter stay up a little later. And I did read to each of them in their own rooms most nights. They called shot-gun to be able to sit in the front seat when they were older. That was fun. Maybe have an activity you do with each child. Allow one child to pick the movie or restaurant one weekend and the other child the next weekend.
- Be visible at school and involved in your children’s education. I am shy. And not naturally inclined to interact with people. Meeting my daughters’ teachers, volunteering for field trips, attending class presentations, orchestra concerts, PTA meetings, cheerleading practice, tennis matches, parent-teacher conferences was out of my comfort zone but I did it. Show up! Check the backpack and the homework. Invite communication with the school.
- Let it go, let it go! How I wish I had. At least a little bit. I was just plain crazy about cleaning up the house. This would probably be one of the things both daughters would say I was too OCD about. Maybe the cleaning would have been okay if it hadn’t made me so wrapped around the hub when things weren’t neat. Or while we were in the process of cleaning. I do think children appreciate organization, structure, limits and rules. But I was overboard.
- Spankings hurt. I didn’t spank often, and really didn’t have a lot of reason to discipline in the early years, especially. But I was upset with my youngest daughter (who knows why), and spanked her several times (with my hand on her bottom) as she went up the stairs in front of me. She was about 7 or 8. Lauren turned to me in tears and said, “You’re hurting me!” Broke my heart. I guess, I had never thought of spanking as painful. Just as discipline. That was the last time I spanked either girl. I still believe there are times that spanking is appropriate. But I began using time-out a whole lot more.
- Mothering is a life-long commitment. There is no retiring from motherhood. And I would never, ever want to retire. The mothering just changes a little or shifts as your children become adults. Then again as they become parents. This year alone, we have had a number of trials. I feel so helpless, at times, being hundreds of miles away from my daughters when they are having struggles.
- There is no love like the love of a mother for her child. From that first positive pregnancy test, I was in love with my babies. That love just continues to grow.
- Say “I love you” every single day. And then say it again.
Four More Lessons from Motherhood
As I began thinking about this post, I asked for input from my sister, Valerie, and my two daughters, Brennyn and Lauren and my dear sister from another mister (family), Metra. I asked them to think of one thing motherhood had taught them.
Lauren responded first. She said:
Patience. To expect the unexpected. You can make all the plans in the world and something will happen and you’ll have to rethink everything.
Valerie said:
Cherish the moment.
Brennyn replied:
Be willing to go to bat for your baby. Even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone to do it.
Metra said:
Unconditional love. That mothering means feeling pain when your child hurts. And that our children DO listen!
I would have added those to my 10 things motherhood has taught me, but they beat me to it!
Motherhood is the toughest job you will ever love. Thank you, Brennyn Alexis and Lauren Allegra, for making me a mommy.
50 Empowering Quotes for Women
As we prepare for Mother’s Day, observed on 05.10 in Mexico and by a lot of El Paso families, and on Sunday in the United States, I’m sure we all have a special woman to celebrate. The folks at Proflowers reached out to me a few weeks ago to share “50 Empowering Quotes for Women” they have collected on their blog. Powerful graduation speeches, in-depth interviews and acceptance speeches are only a few ways strong women have imparted their insights on audiences of all sizes. Thought you might like to peruse these wonderful quotes to find inspirational words to uplift the special women in your world.
Here are just a few of my favs.
[source]
Some people think that you have to be the loudest voice in the room to make a difference. That is just not true. Often, the best thing we can do is turn down the volume. When the sound is quieter, you can actually hear what someone else is saying. And that can make a world of difference.” – Nikki Haley [source]
Find something you’re passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it.” – Julia Child [source]
Hope you will stop by the Proflowers Blog, here, to read more of these uplifting quotes.
Your Turn
What lessons have you learned from motherhood or from your mother? Won’t you share in a comment below. We can all learn from each other’s experiences and wisdom. Thank you for sharing.
Whatever day you celebrate, wishing you a beautiful Mother’s Day.
Hugs and kisses,
Whitney @ Whitney a la mode
At first I wasn’t sure how much I would relate to all of these posts since I’m not a mom yet but I’ve actually loved them. All of you have had something unique and different to say. I really like your advice to make your house the hang-out house. I’ll have to remember that someday!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Whitney, you are going to be the best mom!! I have a feeling your own mom is pretty special – look how well her daughter turned out! There is nothing like being a mom. Followed closely by being a grandmother.
Nancy Baten
My mother should have read this before she became a mother😂😂😂😂
But it is a beautiful story, I’ve never been a mother so I have no idea how it feels.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Sounds like you had a tough childhood. I had a wonderful mom but she wasn’t very snuggly and outwardly loving. I have about smothered my girls, I am afraid in snuggles.
Thank you for coming by.
Suzie Gibson
Loved reading your reflections on motherhood!! I can relate to so many of them. Happy Mother’s Day to you!!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Oh, YOU…thank you so much for coming by and for leaving me a message!! Thank YOU!! Your children were blessed to have such a good mommy. I hope you are able to spend Sunday surrounded by family and being snuggled from head to toe. XO Happy Mother’s Day!!
Laura
I loved this post and enjoyed reading your daughters’ and sister’s comments.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you, Laura. I really like these 10 on the 10th posts. Wish I could think of some little series like this to host. Maybe 11 on the 11th? Probably too similar. 12 on the 12th?
Em
Thank you for sharing your beautiful words!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you for reading!! Thank you for being my bud. XO
Nancy Collins
Well said Leslie! Heaven knows I’ve made plenty of mistakes with my girls when they were growing up. I always seem to say the wrong things. Hopefully, I am better at being a mom now.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Oh, my, Nancy!! Thank you so much for coming by and for leaving me a comment. Thank you!! I think I am a better mom now. We don’t get a how-to-mom manual and we do the best we can. Your babies know how very much you love them and I think mine do, too. Sure loved having lunch with you gals today. We need to make it a monthly thing! Happy Mother’s Day, dearest friend.
Christie Hawkes
Those are some powerful lessons, Leslie. If only I’d read them before my children were grown! Number 2 is a biggie. We need to learn to trust our instincts more, especially as mothers. If I were to add something to the list of lessons, it would be pick your battles, and once you’ve laid down the law, stick to it. Of course, you need to be open-minded, but I would sometimes set a consequence and then not want to follow through. For example, I might say, “If you don’t clean your room, we’re not going to the movie we’ve been planning all week.” If the room wasn’t clean, I still wanted to go to the movie! Oh, and find another punishment besides grounding for your teenagers. A school counselor once told me, “Grounding a teenager is like chaining yourself to an angry bear!” Perhaps the most important lesson I’d hope to impart to young mothers is that you won’t be perfect, but if you do your best and make sure your children know they are loved, the rest will work itself out. Happy Mother’s Day!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Oh, Christie, you are so right about following through with punishments. My step-daughter many moons ago was very difficult and some serious psychological issues that caused her to do many undesirable things. We would come up with all of these punishments and then her father would not want to follow through. Of course, having 3 dozen consequences was a bit overkill but it is hard sometimes to stick to your guns.
I think, despite my mistakes, my babies know I loved them then and love them even more now. We all pretty much do the best we can, huh? Happy Mother’s Day, sweets.
Erin Port
Oh, my word these posts are filled with so much wisdom. I found myself nodding my head and also am encouraged since you are walking ahead of me to keep on keeping on! Thank you for sharing your journey to motherhood, I had an eating disorder in high school too! I pray my girls never experience it! xoxo ERIN
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you so much for coming by! It means a lot to this little old blogger. XO
Would love to know more about your eating disorder. Have you ever written about it? Would you ever want to? My daughters both escaped to some extent although the number on their scales weighs heavy on their minds as does my weight on mine. I never really thought about writing about my experience but it might be something that would help others.
Have a blessed and beautiful Mother’s Day!
Joanne Long
As my daughter faces new challenges in her life, I realize that the greatest gift a mother can offer is unconditional love and acceptance. My own mother is “understated”, “shouldn’t need to tell you”, “people who talk about their children make me want to throw up” and I have decided that I do want to tell my daughter how much she means to me and to let others know as well. Ironically, bookworm me had a child with phonological dyslexia which made her feel less smart. Parental marital separation and subsequent relationships did not help her self-esteem. She struggled with weight issues until last year when gastric sleeve surgery helped her to lose 107 pounds and become the lovely capable woman that she always was inside. Being a mother is truly a job that never ends.
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Oh, Joanne. I am so thankful for you to share your own experiences with me. My oldest had some form of undiagnosed dyslexia that no one was ever able to identify or help much with. She has truly learned to cope and overcome in many ways.
My mom sounds much like yours. And I think in lots of ways that was all they knew. No one gushed over my mother much, I don’t think. Her parents were in their 40s when she was born. No one had time to gush! They were worried about their next meal in the 1920s and 1930s.
So glad that your daughter is in a good place now and is flourishing. I am sure she couldn’t have done it without your acceptance and love. Have a beautiful Mother’s Day, ladybug!
Dara
I loved your lessons learned and can definitely relate, especially to trusting your instincts! Happy Mother’s Day!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Thank you, sweet one. This was a fabulous, reconfirming, educational prompt. Happy Mother’s Day to you.
Laura
This is a beautiful post and so well written. Your daughters aren’t almost miracles. They are miracles just like every child out there! I am glad you were able to have them after going through all that. We have already tried to make sure we are spending time with each child and will continue to do so. It’s nice to plan special outings with our oldest. I know we will cherish those moments and I hope she will too! We have a special sign that we give each other too. We use the sign language sign of “I Love You” across a room or to say good bye all the time. It is our special sign to let the other person know we are thinking about them and my heart melts every time she does it for us! Motherhood is so special!
Leslie Roberts Clingan
Oh, Laura, you are so right. All babies are miracles. Thank you for saying that.
You know, I still remember going to the ballet for the first time with my daddy and I was a little more than 2 years old. So Claire will remember these special outings just for her. Has she shown any sign of jealousy over her baby sister, Aveline? My daughter Brennyn only had one real obvious bout of jealousy when baby sister was a few weeks old. They are closer now than they have ever been, I think because they are both mommies and wives. I hope your girls will grow up to be each other’s best friend. XO